Let It Go
by NoCapeNoCrown
Summary: "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours forever. If it doesn't then it was never meant to be." Olivia/Alex (AO) of course! Eventually rated M.
1. Chapter 1

"Did you pick a movie?" Olivia asked as she made her way to the couch to snuggle in beside Noah. "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!" Noah squealed, the remote already in his hands. "Oompa Loompa doompadee doo," he sang. Olivia grinned at his excitement but, internally rolled her eyes as this would be the hundredth time they had seen the movie. She was at least thankful her son preferred the original to the Johnny Depp version. "Ok, you got it?"

"Yep!" Noah pressed buttons on the remote and the familiar beginning of the movie started to play. Olivia pulled the "fuzzy" creamed colored blanket onto her lap and around Noah, who was already melded into her side.

Nights like these were sometimes few and far between for the. Captain of the Special Victims Unit and her son and dinner and a movie at home without "Uncle Finn" calling was a treat.

They had made it almost to the end of the movie, Olivia holding Noah extra tight during the 'scary boat ride part' before there was a knock at the door. Olivia's and Noah's eyes both went to the door, both surprised at having an unannounced visitor at that time of the evening.

"Mom who is it?"

"I'm not sure honey. Stay here and I'll see who it is."

Noah did as he was told, but his eyes never left his mother as she walked to the door, looking through the peephole. Olivia took a deep breath before stepping back and unlocking the door.

She leaned against the now open door, "Alex".

Olivia looked at the now brunette, surprised, and a bit confused to see her.

"Liv," was all she said, unsure if she was even welcome in her home.

"Come in, come in," Olivia said moving aside, giving Alex room to step in.

Alex looked to Noah, immediately feeling his protective eyes on her. She gave him a smile.

"Noah, come here," Olivia said motioning for him. "This is mom's friend, Alex." Alex leaned in, extending her hand to the dinosaur pajama-clad little boy. Noah politely shook her hand. "Nice to finally meet you, Noah," Alex said, quickly mesmerized by the dimples in his cheeks.

When Alex turned to Noah, Olivia noticed Alex's bruised cheek that had been unsuccessfully covered by her makeup.

"Noah, Alex and I have been friends for a really long time," Olivia explained. Noah seemed to accept the explanation from his mother and eased his suspicion of the stranger in his house.

"I'm sorry, I thought he would already be in bed," Alex apologized, looking to Olivia, having noticed they were both already in their pajamas.

"No, no it's fine, he's actually up past his bedtime, aren't you bud? We were watching a movie and sometimes I let him slide when I have the night off." Olivia said running her fingers through Noah's curly hair.

"Oh, I don't want to intrude."

"Alex, you're never intruding. Besides, we've both seen the movie it a hundred times haven't we Noah?"

Noah shook his head, "Now a hundred and one," Noah grinned.

Both Olivia and Alex laughed.

"Come in, sit."

Alex sat down on the couch where Noah and Olivia were previously snuggled. The "fluffy" blanket blanket brushing against the tips of her fingers.

Alex had the urge to grip it tight.

"Can I get you something to drink? Glass of wine?"

Alex eyed Olivia's half drank glass on the coffee table. "Um sure, that sounds great."

Noah sat down at the edge of the couch beside Alex, ready for his interrogation.

"Are you the police too?" He asked his bare toes fidgeting with the edge of the coffee table.

"I'm actually a lawyer."

"Like Raphael?"

Alex smiled, "yes, like Raphael," she said getting his reference to SVU's former ADA Raphael Barba.

"Hey Noah," why don't you go brush your teeth and get ready for bed? Let mom talk to Alex." Noah slid off the couch, slowly walking back to the bathroom, obeying his mother.

Olivia handed Alex the glass of wine, pulling the thin cardigan closed around the tank top she was wearing, she then sat down on the opposite end of the couch, looking suspicious much like Noah.

"I guess it goes without saying I'm a little surprised to see you." Olivia began.

"What? An old friend just can't show up on your door on a random Friday evening?"

"Sure, but when I haven't seen said old friend in over a year and the last time we saw each other... well you had chosen an interesting occupation" Olivia said referring to Alex being apart of a ring of women helping women and children escape their abusers.

"I've stepped away from that position at the moment," Alex said vaguely, then taking a sip of her wine.

"Have anything to do with that bruise on your cheek?"

"Hazards of the job." Alex quipped.

Olivia raised her left brow. "Isn't that my line?"

Alex smirked, knowing it was.

"And the change in hair color?"

"Experimenting as a brunette," Alex said giving a smirk.

"Did you come here to purposely have a vague conversation with me?" Olivia asked, becoming a bit frustrated, but trying to be patient with whatever it was that was going on with Alex.

"Mom! I'm ready for bed!" Noah said, barreling towards Olivia and Alex.

"Did you brush your teeth?"

Noah gave a wide snaggled tooth grin in response to his mother's question.

Alex grinned.

"Ok, jump in bed and I'm right behind you for a story and a tuck in."

"Ok! Goodnight Alex!" Noah said, without prompting.

Alex smiled ear to ear, "Goodnight Noah, sweet dreams."

Olivia noticed the genuine smile on Alex's face and the way she was watching Noah.

"Are you ok to wait, I won't be too long."

"Oh, take your time. I'll be right here." Alex assured.

Noah was already in bed flipping a Rubix Cube back and forth.

"Sorry we missed the end of the movie," Olivia said, shutting his bedroom door and making her way to the lay down beside him.

"That's ok, your friend is here."

"Yep, and I'm happy to see her."

"Did you miss her?"

Olivia was taken a bit aback by such a simple question.

"Um yeah, honey I did miss her. I don't get to see her very often anymore and she used to be mommy's best friend."

"Then, I'm glad she came to visit."

"Thank you my sweet boy." Olivia said kissing the side of Noah's head. "Do you want to read a story?"

"No, you can talk to Alex."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Yep, it ok."

"You're such a sweet and considerate boy, thank you," Olivia said as she got up and pulled Noah's covers up around him. "The Rubik's Cube?" She asked, holding her hand out to retrieve the toy. Noah gave it to her and she sat it on his bedside table.

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Did Alex fall?"

"What?"

"She has a bruise on her face. When Molly fell off the monkey bars at the playground, she had a bruise on her face like that."

For a moment Olivia wished Noah wasn't so observant because she knew exactly what he was asking about.

"I don't know sweetheart, but maybe she'll tell me what happened."

"Will you tell her I'm sorry she got hurt, but Molly's bruise went away pretty quickly." he said, assured.

Olivia smiled, "I'll tell her that, okay."

Noah shook his head satisfied.

"Ok, eyes closed, snuggle with bunny, and I'll check on you in a little bit." Olivia said, now kissing his forehead repeatedly. "Sleep tight."

"And don't let the bed bugs bite!" Noah giggled.

"Silly," Olivia remarked before closing his bedroom door again.

Alex was standing, staring at the collage of photographs Olivia had randomly on the shelves. Her now empty glass of wine still gripped between her fingers.

"I'm only slightly obsessed with him," Olivia joked.

"He's a beautiful boy, Liv. Can't blame you for having so many pictures of him. He's so polite, he seems smart..."

"I'm a little biased, but he is. I'm so lucky."

"Deserving."

Olivia smiled.

"Alex," Olivia's tone more serious. "Tell me what happened."

Alex walked back towards the couch, sitting the wine glass back on the coffee table, but she didn't sit down, and neither did Olivia.

"You warned me." Alex confessed.

Olivia straightened her spine, and waited for what Alex was about to say.

"She had a little boy, four... She had packed everything they needed to get out, did everything we advised her to do. She had cried, she was angry, she had gone through all of the emotions, I had seen time and time again..." Alex folded her arms against her chest, her hands gripping her biceps. "It was a routine drop-off. 6am, the van was there, her car pulled up, I was standing there waiting for her and her son. We were ready. Then I saw her in the passenger seat. She was just staring blankly ahead. She never moved, even attempted to move. She never looked at me. Then he got out of the divers seat..." Olivia closed her eyes for a split second anticipating what Alex was about to tell her. "He came barreling towards me, the next thing I know I was lying on the ground, and John, my driver who is always with me was out of the car wrestling with him..."

"He hit you?"

"One solid right hook."

"God Alex!" Olivia said, now standing a foot apart. Olivia reached for Alex's chin, turning her cheek to her for further inspection. "You know who did this, Alex you need to..."

"I'm not pressing charges... Liv, you know I can't." She said, her voice never wavering.

"What about the woman, her son?"

"It's her choice. I tried protective services for both of them, then I finally got Child Protective Services to remove the little boy from the home, because I had proof of abuse."

"Alex, I'm so sorry."

Alex swallowed the lump in her throat. "It had been a few days, but something still didn't feel right, you know like that eerie feeling that someone is watching you. Then he showed up at my apartment last night."

"Al..." Olivia said, her eyes wide, now on high alert.

"I called the cops... I'm sure it was just a scare tactic on his part. Probably for and his wife, but..."

"But it worked, he's scared you."

Alex didn't answer immediately, she took a moment focusing on Olivia's bare feet, her painted toenails, and their color, like the red wine she has just drank. "I left my house this morning... and I can't seem to go back."

"Alex, why didn't you come here sooner? Call me? You should have called me last night." Olivia was nervously rambling. "No, you should have called me when this happened!"

"Liv, you warned me, you told me this would happen. You know how hard headed I am, you knew I wasn't going to listen."

"I do, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't help you."

"Liv, I can't come running to you. You can't be my savior every time. I knew the dangers of what I was doing."

"And I know the dangers of what I do..."

"You know it's not the same."

"What our God complex? Our need to be a savior?" Olivia questioned.

Alex smiled, and finally sat down. "I just needed to help those women, those kids."

"I know."

Olivia did know.

As much as she hated what Alex was doing, as dangerous as she knew it was, deep down Olivia knew why she was doing it.

She reached for Alex, her palm covering the back of Alex's hand. "You're staying here."

"What? No. Your son is here and I can't..."

"Alex," Olivia said stopping her. "You're staying here until we figure this out."

Alex opened her mouth to protest again.

"Alex, you scared. You dyed your hair brown to change your appearance?" Olivia said assuming. "You have been walking the city all day, in fear of going back to your apartment? You're staying here!" Olivia had gotten up and was now pacing, actually, she was biting at her thumbnail and pacing, thinking.

"Liv," Alex said watching her. "I'm okay."

Olivia stopped. "But you might not have been."

"I know, but I am."

This is is where they were in sync, where they knew how each cared for the other.

Olivia took a deep breath. "I'll get you something to sleep in, you can have my bed and I'll..."

"Absolutely not, the couch is fine. I've already interrupted enough."

Olivia nodded, agreeing, walking back to her bedroom to get Alex something to change into.

When she returned she handed Alex a t-shirt and a pair of shorts.

"I'll get you some sheets, and a blanket, make up the couch for you. The bathroom is straight down the hall, there's an extra toothbrush in the medicine cabinet."

Alex hugged the clothes against her chest before walking back to the bathroom.

Alex closed the door to the bathroom looking around. She hadn't been to this apartment.

Years ago, she knew Olivia's apartment like the back of her hand. She had been there a hundred times to chat, to console, for wine nights, because they we STILL arguing about a case.

Now there were toys lying around and homemade art on the refrigerator. The bathroom had a step stool for hand washing and teeth brushing and the tub was lined with plastic superheroes.

Alex began to undress. She went to remove her bra, then thought twice because of Noah. She pulled the soft t-shirt over her head, reading the words across the chest.

"Martha's Vineyard" Alex wondered when Olivia had been there and with who. She pulled on the shorts she was given, brushed her teeth, and then gathered her own clothes in her arms.

Walking back down the hall she found Olivia putting the finishing touches on making her "bed".

Olivia looked at Alex, immediately noticing her shorts were shorter on Alex's long legs.

Olivia had to make herself turn her head.

Alex sat down on the couch.

"You're safe here," Olivia assured. "We'll figure this out tomorrow ok?"

Alex nodded watching Olivia check the door locks one last time as if to assure her she was in fact safe.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"This wasn't my intention, I mean for you to take me in, to protect me."

"Alex, I'm glad you came here, be it a little late. But, if I can protect you, or just be here for you..."

The right side of Alex's mouth turned to a smile. "Thank you," she said sincerely.

Olivia nodded, "goodnight Alex."

"Goodnight."

Alex laid on the couch covering herself with soft sheet and blanket Olivia had meticulously laid out for her. Olivia turned off the remaining lamp in the living room, and the night light from the bathroom dimly lit the hallway, reminding Alex again how much things had changed in each of their lives. It also reminded Alex that her feeling for Olivia remained the same.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Thank you all immensely for the reviews and excitement about this story! I am slow and distracted, but I vow to get this story written to have a little Cabenson in our lives! Hang with me. Your reviews always spark ideas so keep em coming!

Forgive the typos!

Thanks!

Mel

"Alex... Alllllex..."

She thought she was dreaming someone was whispering her name repeatedly. It wasn't until she felt the light tapping on her shoulder that she opened her eyes to crystal clear blue eyes and a wild bed head of curls inches from her face.

"Alex are you awake yet?" Noah whispered loudly.

"Hi...good morning," Alex whispered back. She couldn't help but smile as she sat up on the couch. "Where's your mom?" She asked looking around to the otherwise quiet apartment.

"She's still asleep."

"Oh, ok."

"Can you help me get some orange juice I can't reach it," Noah asked, his brows furrowed.

"Sure." Alex moved the covers aside on the couch, getting up. She had never been awoken by a 7-year-old, much less inches from her face asking for orange juice.

Alex padded her bare feet to the kitchen and Noah followed closely behind her. Noah climbed up on the counter opening the cabinet left of the sink. "In this cup please," he said handing Alex the blue Spiderman cup that had clearly spent some time in use.

"Hey there! Be careful." Alex said cautiously, helping Noah down.

She took the cup and opened the refrigerator seeing the orange juice on the top shelf. Clearly, Noah had not figured out how to monkey his way to reach the top shelf of the fridge yet, or he had been banned from doing so. "Here ya go," Alex said handing him the half-filled cup.

"Do you drink coffee? My mom does... " Noah said now making his way to sit on the stool at the counter.

"I do drink coffee. Do you think we should make your mom some?"

"Yep, good idea," Noah said, pleased that Alex could accomplish this for his mother.

"What do you eat for breakfast?" Alex asked, her coffee task at hand.

"Um... usually ice cream," Alex stopped scooping the coffee, "Hmm, really?" She eyed Noah suspiciously and he burst into laughter. "Uh-huh. That's what I thought. How about eggs? Toast?"

"I eat that too." He grinned.

"Ok, good," Alex smiled, as she heard the coffee began to drip.

She looked in the fridge taking inventory, sitting the eggs on the counter. "Hey Noah, do you like cheese in your eggs?"

"Ohh yeah!"

"I thought you might like that idea." Alex grinned.

Alex looked through several cabinets, finding a frying pan. She cracked eggs into a separate bowl and began to scramble them as Noah watched diligently. "Ok, you want to sprinkle the cheese in?"

Noah sat up on his knees reaching for the shredded cheese Alex provided for him.

"Ok, I think that's enough, do you?"

"Yep, looks good."

Alex poured the eggs in the pan and busied herself making toast with the bread she spied on the counter.

"I have soccer today," Noah said happy to fill in the conversation.

"You do! What time?" Alex asked looking to the clock on the microwave.

"I don't know'" Noah shrugged.

"I'm pretty sure your mom knows. Bet she has a plan."

"Yeah, she's usually pretty good."

Alex laughed at his cheeky comment.

"Well, I see you two got started without me!"

Both Noah and Alex turned their attention to Olivia.

Alex watched Olivia as she made her way to Noah, kissing his head. She could hear her saying good-morning to him, asking how he slept.

Alex couldn't help but relish in seeing Olivia first thing in the morning. Her fresh face, her hair twisted up and held together with a clip. She now had on pajama shorts similar to the ones Alex had on, but still the same tank and cardigan from the night before.

"Alex is making us breakfast."

"I see that."

"And she made you coffee, she drinks it too just like you," Noah stated matter of factly.

"That's very sweet of her. Grownups like when someone makes their coffee for them," Olivia said giving Alex a wink.

Alex looked at Olivia and smiled.

"Noah was telling me he has a soccer game today?"

"You do! And you have new cleats remember?"

"Oh yeah! I do! Alex, I'll show them to you!"

Noah was ready to hop off the stool. "Hey bud, it looks like Alex almost has your breakfast ready, how about we eat first then we'll show her..." Olivia reasoned. "She can see your uniform too."

"Oh, yeah, good idea!" He said, good-naturedly.

Olivia walked into the kitchen, getting two coffee cups to pour coffee for her and Alex.

"I have half and half or salted caramel," Olivia offered.

"Olivia Benson puts salted caramel creamer in her coffee?" Alex teased.

Olivia grinned, "I've softened in my old age."

"Uh-huh," Alex smirked.

Alex plated the eggs and buttered toast for the 3 of them.

"You didn't have to make us breakfast."

"Well, it started with orange juice and escalated from there. I hope it's ok. Hard to mess up cheesy eggs and toast."

"We appreciate it don't we Noah, especially the cheesy eggs."

Noah laughed his cheeks already bulging full of toast.

They finished eating and Noah jumped down from the stool not forgetting he wanted to show Alex his new cleats.

Olivia and Alex made their way to the couch with their coffee in hand.

"I hope you slept alright?"

Alex nodded, swallowing a sip of coffee. "I have to say I slept a lot better knowing no one was lurking around. Truthfully, I feel like I haven't had a good night's sleep in a long time."

"I'm so sorry, but I'm glad you feel safe here."

"See Alex!" Noah came from his room holding up the bright neon yellow and black cleats.

"Wow, those are awesome!" Alex said exagerating her excitement. "Very cool!"

"His feet doubled in size from last year," Olivia said shaking her head.

"You are coming with us to soccer right Alex?"

"Um, yeah, well I guess, I can if you want me to?" Alex looked at Olivia. She was trying to remain adamant about not interfering with their routine.

"Yeah! You can watch me play and meet my coach!"

"Alex, how can you pass up an opportunity like that?" Olivia grinned.

"Well, I couldn't possibly. Noah, I'm in!"

"Awesome!"

Noah ran back to his room, cleats still in hand, excited that now his new friend Alex was coming to his game.

"I was thinking we could go by your apartment after his game, get some of your things."

"Olivia, I don't feel right staying here with you, sleeping on your couch."

"So you'll press charges then? Get him off the street?" Olivia countered.

Alex took a deep breath, "I'll go to a hotel, this will blow over in a few days when he realizes we aren't coming back for his family."

"I don't feel comfortable with you being alone."

"Liv," Alex protested.

"Look, I know sleeping on my couch and having my rambunctious 7-year-old around is not a night at the Four Seasons, but at least I know where you are and that you're safe."

"That's not it at all. It's actually nice being with the two of you, and your apartment is warm, alive. It feels good here."

"Good! I hope you really do feel that way. You are more than welcome here anytime and always."

Alex nodded, reaching for Olivia's arm squeezing it to physically relay a thank you. "Guess we should get dressed. We have a big game to attend."

Olivia let out a breathy laugh. "This will be a whole new experience for you, Cabot."

Both wearing sneakers, jeans, and a t-shirt, Alex's wearing another borrowed one, this one boasting a worn vintage Mets logo, to which Olivia ribbed Alex's telling her the Mets were a baseball team.

"Wow, there's a lot of people... kids here..." Alex muttered, a bit overwhelmed at all the kids in coordinated jerseys running in different directions in front of her.

"Oh, 7-year-old soccer in Manhattan is serious business," Olivia mocked.

"Of course," Alex said, adjusting her glasses on her nose.

"Hi, Noah!" A handsome man called out, a whistle around his neck." "Hi, coach!" Noah said returning a high five. "Jack and Carly are over there stretching if you want to join them," he instructed.

Olivia and Alex both looked at Noah's fellow teammates and their attempt at "stretching".

"Mom?" Noah asked. "Let me take your bag and you go ahead. Stretch those legs ok!"

Noah nodded, sprinting off to his teammates.

"Olivia, so good to see you!" He said with his megawatt smile.

"Hi Ben, it's good to see you too. Sorry, I missed the parent's meeting, but Lucy filled me in. We'll have juice boxes and water for everyone next week."

"Oh good, and I assumed Lucy would let you know."

Olivia, of course, struggled with missing some things like parent meetings for Noah, but she also had to relinquish some of the guilt and the responsibility as she couldn't be in two places at once. Luckily, Noah was understanding and he and Olivia both loved Lucy as a part of their family.

"Ben, this is my friend Alex."

Alex stuck her hand out to Ben.

"Hi Alex, great to meet you. Glad you could join us for some hardcore soccer-playing today."

"I wouldn't miss it," she said her long ponytail now blowing slightly in the breeze.

"Noah! We'll be over there," Olivia said pointing to the small set of bleachers. "Good luck bud!"

It wasn't long before each team was corraled and ready to play a fairly good simulation of a soccer game.

"GO NOAH GO!"

Olivia laughed at Alex's enthusiasm and competitiveness.

"Hey, he's good! He can run really fast."

Olivia just smiled, finding it endearing Alex had just jumped right in with hanging out with them.

"I'm gonna make a phone call, I'll be right back."

"Oh ok," Alex said, watching Olivia make her way down the bleachers and off to the side.

Olivia paced a few steps foward and back while Amanda's phone rang.

"Hey, Liv whats up?"

"Hey, I'm sorry to ask last minute and I know you have the weekend off with the girls, but is there any way you could look after Noah for a couple of hours today? Lucy is out of town and..."

"Liv, no problem, Amanda interrupted, not needing an explanation. "Noah is great at entertaining Jesse. You wanna drop him by?"

"He's in the middle of a soccer game at the moment, we'll get lunch and then I'll bring him by. Actually, how about I bring you all lunch?

"That would be amazing."

"Anything in particular?"

"Honestly, you can just grab a cheese pizza. We'll be fine."

"Thanks, Amanda, I owe you."

"You owe me nothing, see you in a bit."

"Everything ok?" Alex asked as Olivia sat back down beside her.

"I called Amanda to see if she could take Noah for a few hours while we go to your apartment."

"See Liv, I'm interrupting your Saturday with Noah and..."

"Alex, he will be thrilled when he finds out he's going to Amanda's. I offered to get them all lunch and Amanda said a pizza was fine. So we'll get a pizza, drop Noah off and go to your apartment. We won't be gone long."

Alex nodded agreeing with the plan.

"So you and Amanda have become close?"

Olivia looked over at Alex, pausing before answering the question.

"She's been a great friend and confidant. And you know how we are at SVU, we're like family. And now we have kids..."

"Yeah, I'm glad you have someone like Amanda, she seems like a great person." Alex said, shifting on the bench, And you need female friends in your life."

"Oh, I do?"

"I just mean you work with a lot of men and I remember when you and I were sometimes the only women. And we became really..." Alex stopped herself as if she were calculating her words.

"We became what?" Olivia challenged.

Alex didn't look at Olivia rather starred at the soccer field in front of her. "We became really close, so um I'm just glad you have Amanda."

Olivia chewed her top lip, her eyes finding Noah on the field.

"My friendship with Amanda is different than what we were."

What we were.

Alex nodded, before looking over at Olivia ."What, undefinable?"

Alex instantly regretted that word.

"I think we could define it, we just, well we just didn't," Olivia said finally looking at Alex.

"Mom!" Noah said sprinting towards them. "Alex! Did you see me?!"

"We did! You were awesome!"

"Noah, you are such a great soccer player!" Alex followed.

It went undetected by Noah that they were both raddled by their interrupted conversation.

"Hey bud, I just talked to Amanda and you're gonna go play with Jessie for a little bit, while Alex and I run an errand. Is that ok?"

Noah turned to Alex, "Are you gonna spend the night with us again?"

Alex looked at Olivia as if she were unsure.

"Yes, honey she is," Olivia said interjecting. Alex can't be in her apartment right now, so she needs somewhere to stay so we're letting her stay with us. So you can play with Jessi while we pick up some of Alex's things..."

"Ok," Noah said happily. "Alex, do you want to play Go Fish with me later?"

Olivia smiled at Noah's concerns.

"Go Fish! Now that sounds like a plan!"

Amanda swung open the door, Billie in her arms.

"Hi, Noah!" Amanda said looking at the little boy still in his soccer uniform.

"Hi, Amanda!" He said excitedly.

"Noah!" Jessie called from the pile of Legos on the living room floor, Noah quickly leaving the adults forgotten and unattended to play with his friend.

"Amanda, thank you again for taking him for a couple of hours," Olivia said making faces at Billie and reaching to tickle her baby belly.

"Hey, I told you, no worries at all. He's the babysitter, he entertains Jessi."

Amanda looked past Olivia, seeing Alex standing in the hallway. "Alex?"

Amanda looked quickly at Olivia surprised, then back to Alex.

"Hi, Amanda. Good to see you."

"You're welcome to come in." Alex stepped forward beside Olivia.

"Is everything ok?" Amanda asked suspiciously, knowing Alex's presence was few and far between in the last couple of years.

"Alex and I just need to run an errand," Olivia said being purposefully vague.

"Oh, well we've got it here," Amanda said taking the cue.

"I'll text you when we're on our way back."

The closer they got to Alex's apartment, Olivia could tell Alex was becoming more uneasy. Their conversation last night about what happened to make Alex show up on Olivia's doorstep was certainly lacking in information.

Olivia locked arms with Alex, staying close as they walked.

Alex unlocked her door, and Olivia entered first assuring Alex everything there was fine.

Olivia looked around Alex's apartment. For a woman with great taste, a woman who's last apartment Olivia remembered as immaculately decorated, cozy and welcoming, this apartment looked as if she barely lived there. It was furnished but bare of any personal items, pictures, objects... her things.

A tear had fallen down Alex's cheek, as she too was looking around as if she didn't recognize her own apartment.

"Alex?" Olivia questioned.

Alex slowly looked at Olivia. "I don't think I realized until now that it doesn't even look like I live here."

Olivia saw the empty wine glass and the blanket and pillow where Alex had clearly been sleeping on the couch.

"Alex, what's going on?"

Alex pushed her hands in her front jean pockets. "Maybe, I'm just being silly..." shes said, then paused.

"Al, this is isn't you. This isn't who you are. And you're right, it doesn't even look like you live here. So tell me what's going on."

Alex walked towards her kitchen, running her hands along the marble countertop. She wanted to look away from Olivia. She didn't want to have to look her in the eyes.

"I tried..."

Olivia could see she was wiping away tears from her cheeks.

"I tried to help them. I wanted to help them, and I failed," Alex confessed.

"Alex," Olivia said moving closer, but still giving her space. "What do you mean you failed? You've helped so many people! You've risked your life, your freedom to help women and children. How could you possibly think that you have failed?"

"Because it's not enough. It's never enough. And I can't... I just can't do it anymore."

"And that's ok. No one can do what you have been doing forever!"

Alex turned looking at Olivia. Her blue eyes dark, "you do".

"What?" Olivia asked confused.

"You do what you do day in and day out. And you've done it for so long. How you don't question everyone around you, how you still let people in your life... and I can't do it. Fuck! Look at me?" Alex said, now more visibly upset.

"Alex, are you kidding me? You are an incredibly caring, hardworking, badass woman, who takes no shit from anyone..." Alex rolled her eyes at Olivia's compliment. "But we can only do so much. Be so many things. Take so much, You're human Alex."

"You make it look so easy."

"Well, I clearly have you fooled. I'm happy I can help people, but I have done damage that I can't erase. Damage to myself. How I see people, how I let people in or don't let people into my life. Now, I'm just trying to be smarter for my kid, and when I lose my shit, I know I have to go home to him, to be there for him because it's not for him to worry about and deal with. That doesn't mean it's easy at all."

Alex sat down on her couch looking towards her view of the city. "I'm sorry". I really am, I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I'm just envious of your courage."

"Alex, you have incredible courage," Olivia said moving the blanket on the couch aside and sitting next to Alex.

"I can't do it anymore but I feel like I'm letting the people who need me, I feel like I'm letting them down."

"Al, you have helped a lot of people. Be proud of what you've done. But there is nothing wrong with stopping, nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. You will find something else to do, a way to help people. You always have."

Olivia wrapped her arm around Alex's shoulder pulling her against her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you've been feeling this way, I'm sorry you've been afraid, and, and sad."

She didn't pull away from Olivia's arms. She let her console her. If anything, that's what she wanted was to be in Olivia's arms. To feel safe in Olivia's arms.

She was crying. Crying tears that she had been holding back for a long time now.

"Hey, I'm here. I'm here, ok?" Olivia said taking Alex's hand in hers.

Alex sat up again wiping at her tears. "I've put all this on you."

"I'm glad I'm here with you. You know if you didn't come to me..."

Alex sniffled, giving Olivia a small smile.

"I'm just going to get a few things. I just need a few days," Alex said shaking her head at her decision. "Is that okay?"

Olivia gave Alex an assuring smile, "vacation at Casa de Benson awaits you."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews and for sticking with me! XOXO -M**

"I've been worried sick about you!" Alex looked to her ex-girlfriend standing in front of her. She then stood embracing the dark-haired beauty.

"I'm sorry Samira, I'm really sorry," Alex said sincerely still holding her in the embrace.

Samira then pulled away, holding Alex at arm's length. "You damn well better be!" She said, now sitting down at the table for two in the practicality empty coffee shop on the Lower West. "Alex I texted, I called!" She said in her English accent. "Saturday, when I didn't hear from you, I went to your apartment, you weren't there. After the week you had last week, if you hadn't text me when you did, I would have called the police, had a search party sent out."

"I didn't mean to make you worry. I've been staying with a friend the last couple of nights," Alex admitted.

Samira raised her left eyebrow intrigued, "a friend?"

"Sam," Alex hesitated, "Lauren McKenzie's husband showed up at my apartment Thursday night."

"What!? Are you sure it was him?" She asked cautiously, knowing that McKenzie was the cause of Alex's now healing bruises.

"It was definitely him, Alex confirmed.

"Did he confront you? Hurt you?" She asked panicking, look Alex over.

"No, no. I was walking home, I felt like someone was following me and I just looked back and I saw him, he was standing like 15 feet from me staring at me, I just bolted into my apartment building. I told the doorman not to let him in, and I just went upstairs locked the door, checked every window..."

"Alex, that's stalking, he can't just..." The rise in Samira's voice was letting Alex know she was worried about her friend. That she was concerned her life was in danger. "Fuck! I knew something like this would happen, God Alex!"

"Calm down, calm..." Alex said, purposefully lowering her own voice. "I think it's over."

"You think?"

"He just wanted to scare me. And he's realized we're not coming back for his wife and kid... he'll leave me alone."

Samira looked at Alex shaking her head in disbelief. "How can you be so sure?" Samira asked. "And how can you be so calm about this?"

"I wasn't calm. I was scared to death!" Alex rebutted. "I didn't sleep Thursday night, and I got up on Friday morning and left my apartment and I just didn't go back."

"So you were out wandering around? He's out there!"

"I know, I know. I just wanted to get away from my apartment where he knew I was."

"So you're staying with a friend, who?"

Alex shifted in her chair, knowing she was about to get an earful.

"Olivia," was all Alex managed to say before Samaria's dark eyes widened. She physically moved back in her chair.

"Olivia? The Olivia?" She questioned.

"I was scared, I didn't know what to do, where to go and I just, next thing I knew I was knocking on her front door..."

"You could have come to me, stayed with me." Samira interrupted. "You know good and well that even though we broke up you are always welcome. And God Alex, especially if you don't feel safe."

"Sam, I know you don't understand, but she's a police Captain. I feel safe with..."

"Alex, what are you doing?"

"What?" Alex asked confused. "I told you I was scared..."

"I know you were scared, but Alex, you told me you set boundaries about having Olivia in your life. You said you wanted, no, needed those boundaries, and suddenly it's ok to show up on her doorstep so she can play police and personal bodyguard?"

"I was scared!" Alex said again, though she only raised her voice slightly as to not bring any more attention to their argument.

Samira took a deep breath out of frustration.

"Alex, this coming from a friend who knows you, who knows how you feel about her. You told me you didn't want her in your life, and for whatever your reasons. And if I remember correctly and I do, Olivia is the original, "she made me realize I was gay". She's also is the same woman you couldn't come out to because you were chicken shit. And you said it was better she didn't know."

"She doesn't know. And she doesn't need to know."

"Because she will know you're in love with her? I would assume she's not an idiot and that she already knows."

"I know you don't understand, but I have come and gone from her life so many times. And God, I know we've been on the edge whatever it is so many times..."

"Then what is stopping you?" Samira asked bluntly.

Alex looked away for a moment collecting her thoughts.

"I'm in love with her, and if we could ever be together... and it ended. I would be devastated and I can't... I can't lose her. And especially if it was my fault."

"So you choose to not have her in your life at all because you're afraid that she might be in love with you too and then it doesn't work out? Alex, that is a tiny bit insane don't you think?"

"I've been in her life, I've left her. She doesn't deserve that. She's been through a lot."

"But then you get scared and show up on her doorstep?"

"I get that my actions are not reflecting what I'm telling you."

"Why torture yourself? What if you did make a move and she reciprocated? What if it did work out?"

"She's not gay," Alex stated flatly.

"Alex, you know better than that. You know she doesn't have to label herself just because she has feelings for you."

A tear rolled down Alex's cheek and she quickly wiped it away.

"I'll be out if of hair by the end of the week." She said pointedly. Knowing she and Samira could go round and round about this. She wanted to change the subject. "I've made arrangements to leave the city for a while, I'm going to my family's house in East Hampton."

"Are you running?"

"Jesus, enough with being a hard ass."

"Ok, ok." Samira resolved, giving Alex a smirk.

"And no, I'm not running. Not from New York, not from Olivia. I need a break. I can't be in the network anymore."

Samira shook her head understanding, then reached for Alex's hand.

"Well you know it's no secret, that I didn't approve of your career choice. But no one stops a force of nature like Alexandra Cabot," she said with a smile. "But, you know you haven't been happy. You know this is not the first time you've been scared."

"I know, but I wanted to help, and I tried to help people."

"Alex, you helped a lot of people. You should be proud of yourself knowing that."

Alex let out a shy, breathy laugh, "That's what Olivia said."

"Well, you surround yourself with very intelligent women."

"I do." Alex smiled.

"So you're leaving the city. But just for a little while?" Samira confirmed.

"Yeah, I'm not sure for how long. Maybe until I figure out what I'm doing next."

"The ocean air as amazing healing qualities," Samira said, squeezing Alex's hand.

"I'm hoping so." Alex agreed. "And Sam, I don't want you to be angry with me."

"I'm not angry with you Alex. I love you, and I care about you. I want you to be happy."

Alex shook her head, "Thank you".

"I do love you, Alex, you know that," Samira said, now reaching to cup Alex's cheek. "I mean as a friend of course. I don't want to stand in the way of this Alexandra and Olivia burning love affair." She grinned.

Alex grinned. "I love you too, and I appreciate your concern. And I appreciate that you care. It means a lot.

—

"Thanks, Carisi," Olivia said, from behind her desk.

"No problem Cap. I'll get the Search Warrant." Dominick Carisi said, now standing in the open doorway to Olivia's office. "Amanda," he said giving her an acknowledging goodbye before he shut the door behind him.

Amanda stayed seated, determined to talk to Olivia.

"Hopefully we'll find something," Olivia said, waiting for Amanda to say whatever it was she was hanging around for.

"Yeah, I hope..." She mumbled. "So, um Alex Cabot is back?"

Olivia sat back in her chair, pulling off her glasses and sitting them on her desk.

"Um yeah, she is," Olivia answered. "And I'm impressed, its been 4 days and this is the first time you've brought her up."

"Noah said she was staying with you." She said contining her line of questioning.

"She is, just for a few days," Olivia said trying to seem distracted as she shuffled things on her desk around.

"I uh hardly recognized her with her brown hair."

"Yeah, just needed a change I guess," Olivia said being intentionally vague.

"Liv?" Amanda said knowing there was more.

Olivia took a deep breath, frustrated and knowing Amanda was not giving up.

"She got spooked by former client showing up at her apartment building." This wasn't a lie."And she's just staying a few days while it all blows over."

"Okay."

"What? You don't believe me?"

"Liv, she just... "

"She just what?"

"Alex likes to come in and out of your life. She disrupts your life, and I just don't think it's fair to you."

"Amanda, you don't have to worry, Alex and I are fine."

"Yeah Liv, I do. You need someone to worry about you. And I don't know what your relationship is with Alex, and I know it's none of my business, but I've seen you after she comes and goes." Amanda herself not quite sure what she was alluding to.

"We definitely have a complicated relationship," Olivia admitted, "And she was my closest friend and confidant and I lost her to a gunshot to the shoulder and Witness Protection. We were never the same."

"But she keeps coming back into your life. Why come and go?"

"Like I said it's complicated."

"So I'm getting nothing out of you?" Amanda grinned.

"Don't you have a bad guy to catch?"

"Uh-huh, that's what I thought," Amanda said getting up from her chair, leaving Olivia.

Olivia watched Amanda leave before picking up her phone. She typed... "Was going to pick up a late dinner before heading home... Do you want? "

Olivia watched the chat bubbles and then Alex's response appeared.

"I actually picked us up some wine, cheese, crackers... I knew you were going to be late."

Olivia caught herself smiling, then biting at her lip.

"That's perfect"

"Are you sure? If you're hungrier than that I can order us something. Will be here when you get home."

"You said the magic words of cheese and wine ;) "

"Ok, I'll have it ready when you get here."

"Liv"

"yeah?"

"Hurry home."

"I will."

Olivia smiled again, and set her phone down, pressing a key on her laptop for her screen to appear. She sat staring at the login field thinking.

Thinking about going home, thinking about Alex being there.

Their history told her this wouldn't last long. She knew Alex would be in and out of her life just like Rollins said she would, but at the moment Olivia didn't care. If this is how it would be, Alex in an out of her life then so it would be. She would relish the time she had with her, and they were consenting adults, if something was meant to happen between them, eventually it would.

* * *

"Noah?" Olivia said quickly noticing her son wasn't there to greet her as she walked through the door.

"He's asleep." Alex said standing at the kitchen counter. "We got pajamas on, and teeth brushed. Then we read a little, but not for long, he was out like a light." Alex said as she watched Olivia pull off her jacket, her shield. "I hope it's ok that I let lucy go home. "

"Oh yeah, thanks. I know Lucy appreciates it."

"She's pretty great."

"She's the best."

"I know you're dying to check in on him and go get into some comfy clothes. I'll pour us a glass, everything else is already on the coffee table."

Olivia gave Alex a smile. "I'll meet you back on the couch."

—-

"Everything ok?" Alex asked taking in Olivia's more relaxed attire.

"You're right he's out like a light."

Alex handed Olivia her glass of wine.

"Thanks."

"Oh, I told Lucy I would be sure to remind you that Noah's end of the year school party was set for the 30th and that teachers would be sending an email to sign up for food and drinks."

"Ahh ok. I'll look for it."

"It seems like you have to have a juice box and snack for everything," Alex commented.

"Oh, you definitely do!" Olivia laughed.

"So I met with a friend of mind today..." Alex said her tone more serious.

"Ok," Olivia said suddenly looking concerned.

"Oh no, a good friend," Alex assured. "Actually she was worried because I wasn't responding to her in the last few days. After apologizing profusely, and telling her I had been staying with you, I told her I was stepping away from the network and that I needed some time away."

"Is she in the network?"

"She's an attorney, but she knew..." Alex said curling her legs under her on the couch. "She and I talked about how I haven't been myself lately. She also reminded me that I shouldn't drop in and out of your like like I do."

Alex paused waiting for Olivia's reaction

"You talked about me? "

"She wasn't very happy with me when I told her I was staying with you."

"Why would she care if you were staying with me?" Olivia asked, suddenly defensive.

"Because she's trying to be a good friend and not let me do something I'll regret," Alex said, taking in a gulp of wine.

"Regret? What would you regret?" Olivia asked confused.

"Coming in and out of your life. Making choices that hurt you."

"Alex, what are you talking about? Witness Protection wasn't your choice and..."

"You know I'm right," Alex said flatly.

Olivia picked up her glass of wine finishing it. She got up, walking to the kitchen to get the bottle.

At that moment that was all the space, she could create.

There was silence as Alex watched her.

Alex heard Olivia clear her throat as she walked back to the couch, but she didn't sit down.

"So, where are you going?" Her questions as hollow. "Back to the Congo? Switzerland? Spain? If you need suggestions I have a travel wish list I could give you."

See, she knew I was right.

"Liv, That's not..."

"Alex isn't that the whole point of this conversation? You not walking in and out of my life, just to tell me you about to leave?"

"Liv, it's not like that."

"Then what is it like?"

Alex stood from the couch, standing as close as she was allowed to Olivia.

Olivia waited. She wanted Alex's explanation.

"My family," Alex began "has a house in East Hampton." Alex paused swalling hard, hoping Olivia would know that she was being sincere. "I thought it would be a good place for me to go, to think about what's next. To remove myself from the network."

Olivia shook her head agreeing. "You're right, you're right, it's the perfect place for you to go."

"It isn't too far from the city."

"Great," Olivia said crossing her arms over her chest.

Alex reached for Olivia's arm, but Olivia quickly pulled away.

"Liv, this thing between us..."

"Alex" Olivia interrupted. She didn't want to have this conversation again.

"I don't know what this is for you," Alex continued, "but I know what this is for me."

Olivia looked at Alex, swallowing the sudden suffocating lump in her throat after hearing her admission.

Alex could feel her heart pounding as she continued.

"I'm leaving on Friday and I was hoping that when Noah gets out of school in two weeks for the summer, you both could come and stay with me for a little while," Alex said, begging herself internally to keep going. "And if you are just there as my friend, then we will be as we have always been, Alex said giving Olivia a shy smile. "But if there is a possibility that I can tell you, show you what this is for me, and maybe find out what this is for you then we'll be what I've always wanted."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Let It Go - Ch. 4

Err sorry all! Here ya go! -Mel

Amanda was younger.

So letting Amanda outrun her was not an option.

"This isn't a competition," Amanda huffed as she pressed her palms into her knees, trying to catch her breath. Olivia took a few steps left and then right, her hands on her hips. She grinned at Amanda, but she too was trying to get her breath and heart rate back to a normal rhythm.

"Come on let's grab a juice," Olivia said, leaving Amanda still standing there.

Olivia bought her and Amanda water and a juice from a juice truck parked just outside the west entrance of the park. They walked back, finding a bench to sit down. "I'm thinking about taking a vacation when Noah gets out of school for the summer." Olivia said, the straw if her "green drink" pressed to her lips.

"Liv that's great! You deserve some time off. Where ya thinking about..."

"Alex invited us to the Hamptons," Olivia interrupted with somewhat of a confession.

"Oh."

Olivia raised her brow to Amanda's response, though she already knew what her detective and friend's reaction would be.

"I'm mean that's great. I'm glad you two have reconnected."

"That's it? That's all you're going to say?" Olivia asked surprised. "I know you don't think we should go."

"That's your decision," Amanda responded quickly.

Olivia took a deep breath. She knew she was about to disclose things to Amanda, that she had kept private from well, anyone. But she needed to confide in her, she needed her opinion. Amanda had and did look after her.

"Liv?" Amanda questioned her sudden silence.

Olivia had sat her "green drink" down beside her, and she now rubbed her hands nervously together.

"Before Alex left, she told me she had feelings for me, that she had for a long time. And that she wanted to see if there was a chance..." Olivia purposefully stopped, not going into any further detail.

"And you said?" Amanda asked impatiently.

"Nothing really," Olivia said, shrugging her shoulders. "She asked Noah and me to come to the Hampton's. She said I could come as just a friend or we could figure out what it is we're dancing around."

"So you do have feelings for her?"

Olivia looked around the park as if trying to find something to focus on other than Amanda.

"I..." She began, but stopped herself, calculating her revelations. "Yeah, I do have feelings for her. I think I have from the very beginning. It just wasn't something I understood ya know?"

"And you two have never even talked about it?"

Olivia finally looked to Amanda. "We just refer to it as 'this thing between us'. We always have. Or at least since she came back from Witness Protection."

"Do you think that's why she keeps running from you? Because she has feelings for you?"

"We get too close. It verges on too complicated..."

"And she finds another city?"

"Something like that. I get the game we play whether I like it or not."

Olivia then leaned forward, her elbows on her knees almost as if she were going to be sick.

"There's nothing wrong with having feelings for Alex. It's ok to be in love with her," Amanda said, feeling like Olivia needed the confirmation.

"I know, I know."

"So you gonna tell her how you feel about her? Give it a shot?"

Olivia sat up straightening her spine.

"It's been a long time Amanda. Things have changed, she's changed, I've changed."

"But you still have feelings for her, that hasn't changed," Amanda said stating the now obvious.

"It's not that simple. Most importantly I have Noah now. When it was just us protecting ourselves, our careers... but there is a lot more at stake. I've tried to be so careful about who I date, who I introduce him to. He was so attached to Tucker and when we broke up..."

"Liv, Tucker was a while ago, Noah is older... And yes, Noah is a kid and yes you're the mom, but moms need someone too, I think he would like to see you happy."

"Noah really likes Alex," Olivia said, the corner of her mouth curving upwards. "He'll be thrilled when I tell him about going to visit her."

"Ok, so a million possibilities."

Olivia looked at Amanda, "so now you're Alex's biggest fan?"

"Oh no!" Amanda dramatized, "strictly apart of the Olivia Benson fan club."

Olivia smirked.

"Liv, something scared her, obviously really scared her. and she knew right who to run to. Who she wanted to run to. That says a lot." Amanda concluded. "And honestly, I'm glad she had the guts this time to tell you that she had feelings for you." Amanda reached for Olivia's arm, making sure she had her attention. "Go to the Hamptons, you and Noah have a great time! If it works out, then Liv, it works out!" She assured her. "Just don't stay away for too long it goes to Fin's head when he's left in charge."

"This is true!" Olivia laughed, then took a long exhale, and shaking her head, agreeing.

She had convinced herself that if something did or didn't happen between them while Alex was staying at her apartment then it was fine, now that they would be in Alex's territory, now that Naah could possibly fall more in love with Alex... Everything had gotten real.

"Have you talked to her since she left?"

"A couple of times and we've actually texted a lot."

"Ok, so just call Alex and tell her you're coming."

"What do I say?"

"Olivia Benson at a loss for words?" Amanda questioned raising her brow. "And I'm certain you've already played the conversation AT LEAST a 100 times in your head."

She had.

"Why do I feel like I'm about to pull the string that unwinds everything?"

"Because you both are clearly at a point in your life where it's time to pull the string, make the move, shit or get off the pot!" Amanda said giving Olivia a grin.

"Ok, ok I get it!" Olivia said rolling her eyes.

Amanda uncrossed her legs, inching towards the edge of the bench, "come on Carisi is probably at his wit's end with the girls."

They stood up from the bench and Amanda gave Olivia a quick hug. "Thanks for the juice and kicking my ass this morning... and for talking, letting me in," she said sincerely.

Olivia gave the blonde a smile, "thanks for listening, and the advice. Clearly, I'm not sure what I'm doing here."

"Everything will be fine, it will work out as it should."

Olivia shook her head agreeing and she and Amanda started to part ways, "Hey Liv," Amanda called back, "Cabot has almost a foot on me, but she's skinny. I can take her!" Amanda quipped, grinning.

Olivia let out a hardy laugh, "I'll remember that!"

Olivia had run a few quick errands, buying plates and cups for Noah's end of the year party before heading to Chelsea Piers to pick Noah up from a birthday party at the Field House. "Hey, not too far!" Olivia reminded Noah as he zoomed passed her on his scooter towards their apartment. Noah slowed down, waiting for his mother to catch up.

"So Noah, it's your last week of school!"

"I know! We have our party and then I go to 2nd grade!" He said excitedly.

"That's right! But before you go to 2nd grade you have all summer to play."

"Yeah!" Noah cheered.

"So do you remember me showing you on the map where Alex went for her summer vacation?"

Noah shook his head, "yes, Hapton?

"Hampton, East Hampton," Olivia confirmed. "Well, Alex asked us to come to visit her. What do you think about that?"

"Awesome!" Noah said, hoping off his scooter, his attention now all on his mother.

"And her house is by the ocean and she has a swimming pool too!"

"Wow!"

"I know, wow! So lots of swimming and playing outside!"

"We can build a sandcastle?" Noah asked wide-eyed.

"Of course... So do you want to call Alex and tell her we're coming to visit?"

"Let's call her now!" Noah exclaimed, jumping up and down.

Olivia laughed, "let's get inside... we'll call her then ok?"

Noah hopped back on his scooter, ready to get home to call Alex.

Olivia pulled her phone from her pocket texting Alex. "Have a few minutes for Facetime with me and Noah?"

Olivia saw the chat bubble appear. "Yes!"

Olivia smiled to herself, "We're almost home, call you in 15."

—

Noah had crawled into Olivia's lap as they sat on the couch. "Ok, press that button right there," Olivia instructed. The camera appeared and the phone began to ring. Alex answered with a huge grin on her face at the sight of Noah and Olivia. "Hi, guys!"

"Alex!" Noah squealed, elated to see her.

"Hey, there cutie pie!"

Olivia couldn't help but feel a flutter in her throat as she silently watched the interaction with Noah and Alex and their admiration for each other.

"Alex we're coming to visit you!" Noah blurted.

"You are!?" Alex's eyes lit up.

"Surprise," Olivia said dryly, turning the camera so Alex could see her face.

"An awesome surprise," Alex assured her.

"Alex, can we go swimming in your pool and then in your ocean?"

Alex laughed, "absolutely! Every day if you want!"

"I have to finish first grade and then mama says we can come visit."

"She's right! But you only have one more week of school right?"

"Yep, and then I'm all done, and then we come to see you in East Hapton!"

Alex grinned at his pronunciation. "Now that sounds like a plan! But you have to promise me you will be good for your mom this week and finish up school. And it will be time to come visit before you know it!"

"Ok Alex! I'll be happy to see you again!" He grinned with his front teeth missing.

Olivia turned the phone again to herself, she was smiling. Alex was smiling, though they said nothing at the moment.

"Um, I'll call you tonight?"

Alex shook her head confirming. "I'll be here."

"Ok, let's say goodbye to Alex."

"Bye Alex, we'll see you soon!"

"I can't wait! Bye, bud!"

"Hi," Alex said softly into the phone.

"Hi there," Olivia said matching the tone of her voice. "Sorry for calling so late," she apologized.

"I'm just glad you called."

"So it's not too late?"

"It's never too late," Alex said, hearing Olivia let out a breathy sound of relief. "Noah seems excited."

"So excited it was hard getting him to go to sleep. We had to look at the calendar, count the days..."

"I counted the days too."

"Well, I didn't exactly mean to tell you that we were coming the way we did, but Noah was so thrilled and asked could we call you. I couldn't tell him no."

"I loved that you two Facetimed me. Obviously, the news that you were coming was great, but I was also happy to see both of your faces."

Olivia could swear she could hear Alex smile.

"I have to admit I'm a little excited myself."

"Good! I was beginning to think that you weren't going to take me up on my invitation." Alex said a bit more seriously.

Olivia hesitated for a moment. "Can I be honest?"

"Always."

"I really just needed a little time to think about it. I wanted to say yes when you mentioned it the night you were here..."

"But you needed to think about Noah?"

"Yeah."

"Liv, I can't blame you for that. And no matter what goes on between us, I understand that Noah comes first. I want him to come first." Alex said honestly.

"That means a lot that you get that."

"He's most important and if anything, he, like his mama deserves a vacation by the ocean. I'll see to it that you both have a great time."

"Thanks, Alex, really..." Olivia said, settling under the covers. "How are things there?"

"I've settled in, getting a routine, I've met my neighbors. I'll have to tell the kids next door Noah is coming. They are about Noah's age."

"He'll love that. He'll love making new friends," Olivia said. "And you've been out of the network for a couple of weeks now, any regrets?"

"You know I did initially, but I sat down, I started making a list of things I could do to help women and children in those situations if I couldn't help them leave their abusers..."

"Alex that great. I know that something great will come of that list and your decision to leave."

"I'm certain it will too, I'll make sure of it."

Suddenly Olivia heard the sounds of water.

"Ms. Cabot are you in the tub?"

"I am. 2nd glass of wine, jacuzzi tub..."

"I'm jealous."

"No need to be. You'll be right here next week."

"Oh really? Saving me a spot?" Olivia asked suggestively.

"Absolutely," Alex growled.

They both were quiet for a moment after their flirty exchange.

"I've been thinking a lot about us, about you," Olivia admitted.

"And you're still coming here so, good sign."

"Al, this feels right, us figuring things out."

"I agree, telling you I had feelings for you, saying it out loud. I was so scared, but Liv, now that you know, and well the fact that you didn't freak out," Alex chuckled, "it feels... it just feels good knowing that we can move forward in whatever compacity."

"I agree, we've been down a long road..."

"A very long road," Alex agreed.

"I also miss you all over again now that you're gone. It's like that dull ache of missing you has stirred up all over again.

"I know what you mean, but it's temporary," Alex assured her. "Whatever happens while you're here, I meant what I said, I need you in my life just as a friend or if its something more. But I'm coming back to the city and my intention is to be apart of your and Noah's life.

"I like the idea of that."

"Good, now, go to bed, I know you have to be up early tomorrow.

"I do... Alex?"

"Yeah, Liv?"

Alex heard the hesitation in her voice.

"Nothing... " Olivia said stopping herself from saying what she really wanted to say. "Sweet dreams."

"You too Liv," Alex said not pressing her about what she was going to say. "Goodnight Liv."

"Goodnight."


	5. Chapter 5

***No idea what's up with wanting to post Ch.1 each time... Grrr! sorry about that!

**Let It Go - Chapter 5**

Maybe something like the Cabot's East Hampton House.

sothebysrealty dot com /eng/sales/detail/180-l-1202-9pv2by/253-cove-hollow-road-east-hampton-ny-11937

A 1965 Mustang in mint condition was the most extravagant thing Olivia had ever bought herself. She had lived in the city her entire life and buying a car, more so an expensive vintage one, was completely out of character for her, and a bit ridiculous. From the moment she owned the car, it spent most of the time in a parking garage. But there was something about the freedom of owning that car specifically. Something about how it was out of character for her. But there was also another upside Olivia never planned on when she bought the car, her son. He thought it was "cool" and since Noah passed his toddler stage, they started taking drives outside the city, mostly Olivia hoping she could show Noah what was beyond the confines of New York City.

As Olivia predicted, Special Victims had caught a case 3 days ago and the press was hot on their heels about a high profile suspect. Fin practically had to shove Olivia out the door, or rather into the elevator of the Precinct as he convinced her they would be fine, but he would call if there was anything they couldn't handle.

So with Lucy's help, Noah and Olivia's bags were packed in the trunk of the Mustang, and they were headed to the Hamptons for a week's stay with Alex.

The Hamptons were only about a 2-hour drive, but by the time they were thirty minutes outside the city, Noah with his head bobbing, was sound asleep in the back seat. His excitement to see the ocean and of course, Alex had worn him out already, and the car ride had lulled him fast to sleep.

Olivia rested her left elbow on the window seal of the car, twisting the ends of her hair round and round. She too was excited to see the ocean and of course Alex. She fumbled with the old radio dial hoping to find anything she could occupy her mind with.

How she was feeling was a bit overwhelming, to say the least. The last couple of weeks had been a whirlwind for she and Alex. From the moment Alex knocked on her apartment door, to her confession, to the texts and late-night phone calls that had become routine, they were on this fast track to make up for time lost, and to reveal what they had been holding back for years.

Olivia looked back at Noah, his hair blowing in the warm breeze as they headed down I-495. She hoped that she was making the right decision. The right decision for Noah. The way Alex was making her feel, the way just talking to her throughout the day or telling her about her day lying in bed at night, it felt right, it felt good to Olivia. It was making her happy. But she wanted to make the right choice for Noah, and she couldn't let Noah see her in too deep in a relationship with Alex until she was certain Alex would be around at least a while. Olivia had no expectations for "happy ever after", or dissolutions about "forever," but she did worry about Noah falling under the Alexandra Cabot spell as she had time and time again.

"Mom? Are you excited to see Alex?" The sound of Noah's voice brought her attention to him. She looked back in the rearview mirror, now, wide awake, his head was cocked sideways waiting for her answer.

"Yes baby, I am."

"Me too," Noah said, his eyes now focused on something passing by. "Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Does Alex have a dog?"

Olivia grinned to herself. She loved the perspective of a 7-year-old and the things he prioritized in his life.

"No, she doesn't, but I bet we will run into a dog or two that might need to be petted or played with."

"Yeah, I bet so," Noah said, satisfied with that option.

They made their way into the Hamptons, both of them "wowing" at their surroundings of green grass, big houses, and a glimpse of the ocean before they pulled up to a long driveway. Olivia checked the number on the mailbox and texted Alex, "I think we're here?!".

They pulled up to a traditional style house, that was magnificent, to say the least. Alex was standing at the end of the driveway at the main walkway, admiring the vintage mustang Olivia had recently told her about. As they came in to view, Alex waived, looking relaxed her bright blue shorts showing off her long legs.

"HI ALEX!" Noah waved back as they parked.

"Hi, guys! You made it!" Alex said helping Noah out of the car and into a big hug. "Your hair is blonde!" Noah noticed immediately.

Alex laughed, "yes, it is!"

Olivia made her way out of the car on the other side, pulling her sunglasses from her face looking at the house in front of her. She was also in shorts, and one of her favorite white tees that Alex immediately admired its um, fit.

She made her way to Olivia, reaching at first for her hand. Olivia took it.

"Hi," Alex said grinning.

"Hi," Olivia said almost shyly. "And the blonde is definitely more you," she flirted.

"I'm starting to feel like my old self again," Alex smiled. She then tugged at Olivia's hand, "Come on let's get your stuff and I'll take you on the tour!"

Alex complimented Noah for being such a gentleman as he did his best to help with their bags, though they weighed as much as he did.

"Alex this house is incredible," Olivia said looking around from the entryway.

"It belonged originally to my grandparents, my parents added on, remodeled, my father remodeled again a few years ago. It's truly become the best retreat."

"How come you have never mentioned having this house before?"

"I guess I didn't want the Squad thinking I was some rich girl with a big house in the Hamptons."

"Alex." Was all Olivia deadpanned, giving her a look that said they all knew she was a rich girl that probably had a big house in the Hamptons.

Olivia's eyes wandered to the right, then left, then up the stairway of the sunshine-filled house. "Everything is picture perfect."

"Liv, this the Hamptons everything has to be picture perfect." Alex snickered.

"Oh, of course," Olivia Jokingly agreed.

"Everyone has their own bedroom, and bathroom," Alex said looking back to Olivia, "if they want." She said suggestively, just loud enough for Olivia to hear.

Olivia smirked and playfully rolled her eyes. "How many bedrooms and bathrooms does this house have exactly?"

"7 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms…"

"WOW! We only 1 bathroom!" Noah interjected, clearly his mind blown at the enormity of the house.

"And we have a pool and a tennis court…"

"I assume one must be highly competitive to play on that tennis court," Olivia interjected.

"Cabot's don't like to lose," Alex shot back, understanding Olivia's comment. "Noah you can also play basketball, and we have a home theatre to watch all the cartoons and movies!"

"Whoah!" Noah said, his eyes wide.

"And for you," Alex said looking to Olivia "a jacuzzi, a small gym if you care, and all the poolside lounging you can stand."

Before Olivia could respond, more excitement in the form of cheers came from Noah. "Mom look at the pool! And look it has a shark and swans!" He said spotting the giant floats floating atop the water.

Alex leaned into Olivia, "I didn't know if you would want the white swan or the black swan, I'll let you choose."

Olivia raised her brow, "I'm thinking this week the black swan might suit me more," Olivia grinned, playfully.

"I was hoping you would say that," Alex grinned... "Ok, let's get your suitcases and I'll show you your rooms."

All made their way upstairs, first to where Noah would be staying. Noah quickly noticed the Lego box sitting on the dresser with a blue bow on top.

"Is that mine?" Noah asked curiously.

"Alex," Olivia said shaking her head.

"Just a little something to occupy him," Alex winked before turning her attention back to Noah, "yes, it's all yours"!

Olivia looked to the nightstand, "You bought him books too?"

"Ohh," Noah said making his way to where the books were stacked by the bed.

"I love that he likes to read, a boy after my own heart," Alex said as she patted her chest. "It was just an excuse for me to go to the local bookstore."

"Uh-huh," Olivia said knowing Alex was enjoying spoiling Noah.

"Hey Noah, why don't you check out your books and your Legos while I show your mama her room," Alex suggested as she moved the Lego box to his bed.

"Okay!" Noah said as he climbed on to the bed.

"Hey, flip flops off," Olivia reminded about no shoes on the bed.

Noah flicked off his shoes already enthralled with one of the books and his Legos close beside him. He looked like a kid on Christmas day protecting his presents.

Olivia followed Alex to the next room over, "I thought you would like this room," Alex said stepping aside for Olivia to see.

"It's beautiful," Olivia said looking around the perfectly decorated and serene bedroom.

"It used to be my room... The ocean is a block away, but you can see it from here, and if you open the windows at night you can hear the waves."

Olivia smiled at the peaceful thought of being lulled to sleep by the sound of waves crashing.

"That sounds amazing. And Alex, the flowers, they're beautiful." Olivia said walking towards the abundance of colorful flowers sitting on the dresser.

"I picked them up this morning…. They're just for you."

Olivia turned to look at Alex, who was watching for her reaction.

Olivia reached for Alex's hand, the same gesture Alex had made earlier. Olivia gently squeezed her hand, holding it in hers, Olivia's thumb brushing across Alex's fingers.

"I'm so happy you're here," Alex said above a whisper.

"This feels like a dream."

"It's not a dream. I like to think that we're being rewarded for our patients."

Olivia stepped closer to Alex, her other palm now cupping her face, feeling her soft porcelain skin. Alex was entranced by the shade of Olivia's eyes, the electricity in her touch…. Neither missing the fact that this was the most intimate they had ever been with each other.

"Mom," Noah said, peering in the doorway of the bedroom. "I couldn't find you! This house is huge!"

Alex and Olivia both laughed, as she and Olivia let go of the other.

"Come on, I'll show you my room," Alex said, her eyes lingering on Olivia's.

Noah skipped down the hallway between them as they followed Alex to the master suite.

"Alex…" Olivia said, pausing to look around. "Why would you ever want to go back to the city when you could be here?" Olivia asked in awe as they made their way to the master bath, leaving Noah occupied with the view of the shark floating in the pool below.

"So, this is the tub you were in the other night?"

Alex grinned, "ah yes, this is the one I was saving a spot for you in."

"Oh yeah, that's right," Olivia said playfully. "I may remember something about that. Think there's room for two in there?" She asked suggestively.

"We'll just have to wait to see, I guess."

Alex and Olivia both knew that the flirting was already out of hand. Just in the last week, their flirting had escalated, it was just a chance now to flirt in person.

"Um, we should..." Olivia said trying to change the subject before they went any further, "probably go somewhere else." She tried.

"Yeah, we should," Alex agreed, understanding that they both were feeling the intense attraction that they had built up between them. "Let's go downstairs, I have some snacks ready, I figured you and Noah might be hungry after your drive."

"A snack does sound great," Olivia said following Alex back into the bedroom where Noah was to inform him of snack time.

"Ok, so Noah what should we do first!?" Alex asked as they made their way back downstairs and to the kitchen.

"Swim!"

"Of course!" Alex certain that was going to be Noah's answer. "How about we grab the snacks and go out by the pool?" Alex suggested.

"I gotta get my bathing suit on and my sunglasses!"

"Ok, if that works for your mom, you both go get your bathing suit on and I'll get everything ready to go outside."

"That sounds like a plan to me," Olivia agreed. Noah took off upstairs as soon as the words came from Olivia's mouth. Olivia let out a little laugh. "I guess I'll meet you back down here in a bit to help you carry everything outside."

"Sounds like a plan." Alex agreed.

—

Olivia had sent Noah back downstairs to ask could he help Alex while she changed into her own bathing suit. With the intention of changing quickly, she grabbed the sage green bathing suit she had bought last weekend, shorts and an oversized t-shirt. But as she stood in the bathroom she caught herself just standing in front of the mirror.

She turned to the left, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. She turned further around, studying the curves of her body, the age of her body. She grimaced, before she sucked in her stomach, lifted her breasts in her hands, then let go. She finally let out a breath of acceptance about the woman in the mirror that she thought she saw, and that she thought Alex might see.

Noah had taken a few bites of his sandwich and even initially bypassed a cookie because he was far too anxious and interested in "riding the shark".

After sunscreen and a few reminders about pool safety from Olivia, and some help on the shark float, Noah was floating around the pool, with his red sunglasses on and his legs crossed at his ankles.

"That kid is ridiculously cute," Alex smiled, handing Olivia the gin and tonic she had made her.

"I can't believe we got through the last week of school because all he talked about when he got home was coming here, and Alex this and Alex that."

"I love the city, but feeling the sand between your toes, the ocean breeze, even just not hearing the sounds of horns honking and garbage trucks for a little while is good for anyone."

"I couldn't agree more with that," Olivia said, her eyes on Noah. "But clearly, a little Alex is good for everyone too."

Alex just chuckled.

"Mom, Alex watch me!" Noah squealed as he jumped from the side of the pool into the water.

"That was a big slash!" Alex cheered.

Alex reached for Olivia's hand and Olivia smiled as she took Alex's hand in hers. They sat silent for a moment watching Noah playing blissfully in the pool.

"This, this is nice," Olivia said never looking over at Alex only playing with her fingers, only hearing Alex let out a breath she had seemingly been holding.

"It is… I get butterflies every time I touch you," Alex admitted, her eyes also on Noah.

Olivia suddenly pulled her hand from Alex's. Alex looked at her immediately regretting what she had said thinking that she had scared Olivia until Olivia replaced her hand just above Alex's knee.

Alex looked down at Olivia's hand mimicking how she had held her hand before, rubbing the tips of her fingers gently at Alex's knee.

"Liv," Alex breathed as she now couldn't take her eyes off of Olivia's hand.

Olivia grinned devilishly as she finally looked towards Alex, "we came here to see if this works didn't we?"

Alex sunk further in her chair and Olivia's had risen just a bit further up her thigh.

"God," was all Alex could say as she covered her blushing cheeks.

It had only been a couple of hours and Alex was already on fire.

"Mooooommmm! Get in!" Noah begged as he hung on to the side of the pool.

Olivia had wondered how long she could get away with sitting by the pool and that maybe Noah would entertain himself. "Ok bud, I'm coming in."

"Yeah!" Noah splashed.

Olivia pulled her t-shirt over her head and Alex didn't dare take her eyes off of Olivia as the green one-piece bathing suit revealed itself.

Olivia caught Alex watching her as she stood to finish undressing.

The bathing suit hugged Olivia's curves, and tastefully accentuating her ample features. Alex took another sip of her drink,

amazed at how Olivia's skin already looked bronzed at just the hint of sun, and her thighs suddenly made Alex bite her bottom lip...

Olivia saw that Alex was staring.

Whatever Alex saw, the way she was looking at her, the woman Olivia thought she saw in the mirror earlier was definitely didn't seem to be the same woman.

"You getting in?" Olivia questioned.

"Huh?" Alex said, jostled from her trance.

Olivia laughed, "Are you getting in the pool?"

"Yeah! Come on Alex! Jump in!"

Alex wasn't the least bit embarrassed that Olivia had caught her staring at her. If it wasn't already clear that Alex thought Olivia was beautiful… sexy, she would surely know it by the end of this week.

"Yeah, I'm coming in," Alex said, standing to remove her cover-up.

Olivia took a quick glance at Alex, her brow rIsing at seeing her perfect alabaster skin against the red one-piece before jumping in and Noah giggling relentlessly at being splashed.

Alex and her large brim hat waded into the pool via the steps and made her way to both Olivia and Noah.

"So beautiful," Olivia said just above a whisper but making sure Alex heard her.

Alex couldn't help but grin ear to ear. Right then, right there with Olivia and Noah the Hamptons did seem picture-perfect.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I had another chapter almost set to go when I realized their evening wasn't over yet. This one is rated "M" because it was time they knew each other a little more intimately! ****And thanks again snd again for sticking with me, I'm slow, but I'll get there!**

**Let It Go - Chapter 6**

Alex and Olivia both agreed that they preferred a night in after an afternoon swimming and in the sun. It had been a long day with traveling, and Noah barely made it through dinner without his eyes drooping.

By the time dinner was done, Noah was so sleepy, Olivia ended up carrying him upstairs to put him to bed without objection.

When Olivia came back downstairs, she stood at the edge of the kitchen watching Alex. She was wiping the counters, cleaning the kitchen after dinner. It was such a simple and mundane thing, but Alex had a way of making things like that seem elegant and beautiful.

Just about everything Alex did seemed elegant and beautiful.

Olivia made her move walking towards Alex. Alex looked up momentarily from her chore to see Olivia coming towards her, "all tucked in?" She asked. She looked again to Olivia when she didn't answer right away.

"Sound asleep," was all Olivia said now standing close, in Alex's space. The look in Olivia's eyes was a look she had never seen before. The pupils of her eyes were dark and dare she say lustful.

Olivia took a step forward purposefully backing Alex slowly up against the kitchen counter, never touching her. Alex stepped back willingly, her heart pounding, her throat dry.

Olivia leaned in kissing Alex gently, then pulling away to look at Alex, to look into her eyes, to make sure, just in case…

Alex's hands went to Olivia's neck, pulling her back into a deeper, wanting kiss.

Olivia's hands went to the curves just above Alex's hips, her fingers pressing into the skin below her thin shirt.

The taste of her mouth, her tongue…

They both moved closer as they continued to kiss.

Olivia pulled back taking in a breath, before resting her forehead on Alex's. She could see Alex's chest rising and falling quickly and out of pattern.

"All those times I've wondered what it's like to kiss you, Alex breathed. "Please don't stop."

Olivia grinned, capturing Alex's lips again. Her mind racing, and a million little thoughts about how she too had always wondered what it would be like to kiss Alexandra Cabot and there they were, finally… And she was such a good kisser, fool, why didn't she kiss her years ago?

They once again paused, only for the sake of needing to breathe air.

"Come with me," Alex said, handing Olivia her glass of wine then, taking her own. Her other hand reached, taking Olivia by the hand into the living room to the plush, overstuffed gray couch.

Alex took another sip of wine and then sat her wine glass on the coffee table, then Olivia's.

Alex sat down, pushing herself against the back of the couch getting comfortable. Olivia waited as if she needed or maybe wanted direction.

Alex again reached for Olivia, tugging her hand gently to sit close. "Now," Alex said giving a smile and the licking her lips, "Where where we?"

Olivia shifted on the couch leaning into Alex, running her thumb across Alex's bottom lip.

"I think we were right here," Olivia said, kissing her again passionately.

Alex's hands started to roam feeling Olivia's exposed skin at the small of her back where her t-shirt didn't quite reach, her fingers, her palm rising slowly against her soft skin with each tongue-twisting kiss.

Olivia ran her hand up Alex outer thigh stopping just below the hem of her cotton lounge shorts, the feel of her porcelain legs, they went on for days and Olivia knew she would have them wrapped around her in no time.

"I haven't made out with anyone like this in a long time," Olivia breathed.

"I haven't wanted anyone like this in a long time." Alex rebutted.

"Only you," the words slipping from Olivia's mouth.

Alex looked at Olivia, her eyes transfixed on her. "We were fools," Alex said cupping Olivia's insanely perfect jawline.

Olivia gave a smirk thinking she had thought the same of her self only moments ago. "But, we're here now"

"Thank God," Alex said pushing Olivia against the pillow behind her, her body now pressing against her, her right thigh resting between Olivia's legs.

Hoping time would stand still, they kissed, and innocently touched, patient for what or anything that might come.

Alex kissed Olivia's neck, breathing in her familiar sweet scent. She felt Olivia press her body closer against hers and Alex moved her thigh closer to Olivia's core.

She heard Olivia's breath break at the contact.

Olivia 's hands snaked under Alex's shirt, the tips of her fingers feeling her bare breast, her palms resting on her breasts, giving them a gentle squeeze.

Alex moaned at the sensation, the way Olivia was touching her.

"These," Olivia breathed as she grazed the tips of her fingers over Alex's protruding nipples. "They have been teasing me all day in that bathing suit, tonight… no bra Alex?" Olivia said mischievously raising her left brow.

Alex licked her lips and then grinned. She knew what she was doing.

Alex then pulled Olivia's shirt up just below her breasts, lowering herself down to kiss around her belly button, her fingers grazing her stomach and then over noticeable small scars that randomly marred her skin.

When she looked up at Olivia, Olivia was staring at Alex's hands, her fingers touching the scars.

"Liv?" Alex questioned.

Olivia opened her mouth, but the words failed. She took a breath. "William Lewis," she said nervously. "They're burns from my keys…"

Alex's blue eyes immediately filled with tears, and Olivia reached, cupping Alex's cheek.

"It's ok, I promise it's ok."

Alex shook her head but took a moment to just look at Olivia.

"What if I had lost you then?"

"Al…" Olivia said, momentarily clenching her eyes shut.

"Liv, I regret all of the time we've lost together," Alex said a tear finally falling down her cheek.

Olivia shook her head agreeing.

"But we're here now," Olivia reminded her.

Alex kissed Olivia, "I told you, I know what this is for me. I know what I've missed out on. And unless you back out of this…"

"I don't want to back out of this," Olivia said without hesitation.

Alex smiled, "then," Alex said kissing Olivia's lips, "let me love you." Alex said feeling Olivia's breath hitch as she slid her palm down Olivia's body and under her thin sweat pants and silk panties cupping Olivia's center.

Olivia's hand tangled in Alex's hair, as she bit her bottom lip. She was too far into the anticipation of Alex's next move.

Alex dipped two fingers into Olivia's wet folds, coating her fingers as she watched the expression on Olivia's face change from lust to a relived satisfaction.

"I think about touching you, how you would feel on my fingers, on my lips," Alex whispered below Olivia's ear as she continued to tease between Olivia's legs. "The look on your face, the sounds you would make when I make you come."

"Fuuuucck," was all that slipped from Olivia's lips.

She was intoxicated.

She and Olivia kissed, letting out sounds of satisfaction.

Alex was rhythmic and relentless and Olivia was soaked and on the edge.

Alex felt Olivia grip the strains of her hair, felt her body tighten,

"Alex…"

Alex bit at Olivia's bottom lip, "Give me what I want," was all Alex said before Olivia's thighs began to quiver. "Let go," Alex whispered.

Olivia's body stiffened, her legs quivering, doing all she could not to scream out.

Alex slowed her rhythm, then giving Olivia's swollen clit one last touch, sending a jolt through Olivia's belly.

Alex kissed and touched soothingly as Olivia recovered.

A smile appeared on Olivia's flushed face and Alex mimicked her smile.

"That's what I've been missing?" Olivia joked.

Alex let out a breathy laugh, "Olivia Benson, you are nowhere close to me showing you what you've been missing."


	7. Chapter 7

**Let It Go Ch. 7**

"I've been to the beach before," Noah stated as skipped along the sand, holding Alex's hand.

"You have?"

"Yep, I've been to Rocks-away beach and Coney Island. But there were a lot more people at those beaches than there is here."

"Yeah, this one can be pretty quiet, especially in the morning. But more people will come out and play as the day goes on."

"I like it with less people."

"Well I agree, it's peaceful."

"Yeah, peaceful," Noah repeated.

"Ok, you ready to make our way back towards the house? We can kick around the soccer ball in the sand there?" Alex offered.

"Let's go!" Noah said as Alex made a quick, jerking u-turn making Noah laugh.

"Alex, what is the name of this ocean?"

"This is the Atlantic Ocean."

"What the name of the ocean in California?"

Alex grinned to herself, at his stream of conscious questions.

"That is the Pacific ocean."

"Do you have a house at the Pacific ocean too?" Noah asked looking up at her, shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand.

"No baby I don't."

"Have you ever been there?"

"I have, lots of times!

"Can you take me and my mom to visit there one time?"

Alex smiled, "well we would have to ask your mom if she'd like to go first."

"I know she would want to go, she loves the ocean!"

"She does, does she?" Alex asked storing that information away.

Olivia woke up to silence and alone.

Noah hadn't climbed into bed with her in the early morning hours, no sound of cartoons coming from the living room, no sounds of garbage trucks and car horns… just the ceiling fan buzzing above her.

She sat up looking around at the sunshine-filled room, by the clock on the bedside table, there was a note written in familiar script revealing why everything was so quiet.

The note let her know that Alex and Noah were headed for a walk on the beach and that she was sleeping so peacefully they didn't want to disturb her.

Olivia couldn't help but smile at the somewhat surprising relationship between her son and Alex.

Olivia laid back down staring at the ceiling, the ceiling fan above her, she watched it circle round and round. Her mind immediately went to last night. Kissing Alex, touching her, the way Alex made her come… She couldn't believe it had happened between them. Olivia closed her eyes with her thoughts. She hadn't, God, she hadn't… It had been a long time since she felt like that, and she wasn't certain if she had ever felt that, connected with anyone, much less wanting someone so much that it was jubilant and almost painful.

She opened her eyes again with the hopeful thought of being able to kiss Alex again. She had no regrets.

Olivia got out of bed throwing on shorts and a t-shirt, twisting her hair up in a clip. She went downstairs to see that there was no coffee so she made some for her and Alex to take with her to the beach. Olivia wondered if Noah kept Alex from her coffee time, and an all-important scroll through the New York Times on her iPad this morning.

Olivia made her way down the wooden planked path, the sun already shining brightly. She looked to see Alex kicking a soccer ball back and forth with Noah and smiled instantly at the sight of them.

Noah and Alex both dressed in shorts, t-shirts, and baseball caps, concentrating hard on their one-on-one game.

Alexandra Cabot was full of surprises, the way she caught and then kicked the ball skillfully back to Noah.

"Mom!" Noah yelled seeing her his mom coming down the wooden steps.

"Good morning you two!"

Noah came running to Olivia, remnants of smeared suntan lotion on his arms.

"Hey, bud!" Olivia giving him a quick hug and a kiss. "You two already in the middle of a soccer game?"

"We took a walk, now we're just playing around."

"Ah, I see, well I hate I missed the walk on the beach."

"You were sound to sleep. So Alex said to let you sleep that you served it."

Olivia was translating what her son had said as Alex walked up.

"Good morning," Olivia said, her tone different than the one she had for Noah.

"Good morning."

Noah stood between the two of them, looking up at them sensing something, but nothing he could be bothered with.

Olivia licked her lips, "I uh, I wasn't sure if you had your coffee yet, so I uh…" Olivia held up the mug of coffee.

Alex let out a little laugh, "Thank you, no I haven't. More important things to do…," she said taking the mug.

"Alex?"

"Yeah, bud?" She said, absentmindedly adopting the name Olivia used for him as she found it hard to take her eyes from Olivia.

"Can I have the soccer ball back now?"

They both laughed at his sudden boredom with the two of them and Alex handed him the ball and he was off to play.

"Thanks again for the coffee, we were up…" Alex was interrupted by Olivia kissing her.

Alex grinned, taking a moment to saver it, "so it wasn't a dream?"

"I had to be sure, because last night..."

Alex leaned kissing Olivia again quickly. "I wanna kiss you a million more times."

Olivia grinned, "and with everyone, I'll wish for one more."

Alex put her hand to her chest mimicking her heart beating before suggesting she and Olivia sit in the sand. Now sitting close, Alex locked her arm with Olivia's as they watched Noah play.

"All of these years, how did I not know about your soccer skills?"

"Eh, I played on the Lady Eagles soccer team in Jr. High and High School and I played on a co-ed league just for fun at Harvard.

"Impressive."

"I wouldn't exactly say impressive, but I do think my chance at becoming a soccer star was cut short when my father agreed that it only looked good on my college applications as an extra circular activity, but there was no way I would play in college as it would interfere with my studies."

"A dream cut short," Olivia teased dramatically.

"Tell me about it."

"Still I'm surprised you never told me you played."

"Well, I have to keep some things to surprise you! And even if it could have come up at Noah's soccer game, I was a little overwhelmed by the multitude of children to even think to mention it!"

"Fair enough, you should have seen me the first time I took him to soccer or any group activity. I was overwhelmed myself. It's an experience… Oh. but now that he knows you're a soccer player he's never going to let that go. Just warning you…"

"That's OK, that can be our little thing," Alex said grinning.

"Noah! Don't go too far! Stay where mama and Alex can see you!" Olivia yelled, her back straightening while she waited for Noah's response.

Noah just waved letting her know that he had heard her but never stopped kicking the ball rather made a circle back.

Alex watched Olivia's spine relax.

"He told me you loved the ocean," Alex said as quiet came between them. "He asked would I take you and him to the Pacific ocean one day."

Olivia swallowed the small lump in her throat. "Bold of him to just ask you to take us, but he really is such a thoughtful boy."

"Hmm bold and thoughtful... I bet he gets that from his mama."

Olivia smiled, before taking another sip of her coffee.

"So have you had time to think any more about what you're gonna do when you come back to the city? You are coming back to the city?"

"Yes, I'm coming back!" Alex assured her.

"Well, I'm not sure Noah and I are," Olivia teased. "It's pretty great here."

"I'm glad you guys are happy here. And we can come back here anytime."

We

"But yeah I've thought about it a lot the past few weeks, and after going rouge for a few years I've put out a few feelers to see if the DAs office would have me back."

"They would be crazy not to have you back. And you loved being an ADA... you had goals of becoming DA."

"I don't know if that goal is still insight for me," Alex said, now sitting her coffee mug in the sand.

"Are you kidding? You could easily jump back in, you fast track everything you do!"

"And look where it got me?"

"Looks pretty good from here." Olivia joked looking out over the ocean. "Life happens Alex," she said now more seriously.

"But it wasn't happening when I was ADA." Olivia looked at Alex as she explained. "I was so caught up in working, and winning, and getting to the top. I was alone because I couldn't have the person, the woman I wanted," She said bumping Olivia's shoulder, "because of my career and then the next thing you know I'm lying on a sidewalk on the Lower West Side. The one thing I do know is I'm not going back to what I was doing. It just got too dangerous and I couldn't separate my personal life from trying to help those women and children… And I know now that can't happen.

"Alex, you are brilliant and courageous and there are so many people that could benefit from your knowledge and skills…"

"Will you help me write my resume?" Alex joked.

"HA! I don't think Alex Cabot needs a resume."

"Liv, I am coming back to the city. I want to go back, I mean if you're not still here," Alex chuckled. "If you're in the city, whatever city, I want to be there."

"So damn charming Cabot," Olivia said leaning against Alex's ear.

Alex raised her eyebrows back and forth as Olivia laughed.

"Alex! Hey Alex!" A woman in a white tennis skirt and blue spandex top yelled Alex's name repeatedly as she made her way towards them.

Olivia was slightly annoyed at her shrilling voice, but Alex seemed at ease with her presence.

"Hi Maggie," Alex said standing, and Olivia followed.

"Well hello there I'm Alex's neighbor, Maggie Albritten," the woman said not giving Alex the chance for an introduction. "We live just down the road from Alex."

"I'm Olivia," Olivia said extended her hand politely, shaking the tan dark hairs woman's hand.

"Oh, Alex told me you and your son were coming to visit. I'm so glad she's not in that big house all by herself!"

Alex was now standing behind Maggie enough to roll her eyes at Olivia.

"Well, Noah and I were happy to oblige when she invited us out…"

"That so sweet, and speaking of invites, Bob, my husband, and I are having an impromptu barbeque tomorrow evening. I know its quick notice, but we just wanted to get the neighbors back together and catch up and since you are here, and Ms. Olivia and Noah of course, we would love for you to come by, have a drink, a hot dog, there will be plenty for the kids." Without taking a breath, Maggie looked at Olivia, "I have 4 kids. Two older, two younger... my youngest's are around Noah's age so he will have a ball."

Olivia looked to Alex for an answer and Alex smiled before she spoke up. "Maggie what can we bring?"

"Oh, nothing! Just you're beautiful selves."

Alex looked at Olivia and the smirk on her face knowing Olivia was now fully entertained. "We'll be there."

"Perfect, 6:00."

"Thanks, Maggie for thinking of us."

"Of course, Olivia. I'll see you all tomorrow night," she said before speed walking the best she could back down the beach.

"That was... wow," Olivia's eyes were wide.

"She's harmless… definitely high strung, but harmless. And, her husband tells good dirty jokes."

Olivia laughed.

"Well, that should be fun."

"Of course… How about we go dip our toes in the water and then we go on to town for brunch. I want everyone to see me with you," Alex joked.

"There's that charm again," Olivia said not thinking twice about intertwining her fingers with Alex's as they walked towards Noah and the water.

They had brunch and decided to shop a bit before heading back to the house. Alex wanted to treat Olivia and Noah to dinner at one of her favorite Italian restaurants, but they had the day to do whatever they wanted with time to get ready before their 7 PM reservation.

They strolled through a string of shops, Alex had run into some (much calmer) friends that were happy to see her back in the Hamptons and Olivia caught one friend giving Alex a wink and nudge. When Olivia inquired what that was all about, Alex playfully rolled her eyes and mocked, 'it was him letting me that he was impressed I was with someone so beautiful."

They had picked up two bottles of wine, stopped at a toy shop, Noah picking out a puzzle they would put together later. Then, they made their way into a little dress shop, that definitely had higher price clothing than Olivia was used to for her Police Captain wardrobe, but Alex seemed to like the store, and Olivia didn't mind browsing all the beautiful clothes.

"Liv, Alex said holding up a turquoise, silk dress.

"Ohh I love that!" Olivia said her eyes wide as she examined the dress.

"This would look absolutely amazing on you!"

Olivia walked towards Alex, running her hands down the fabric. Glancing at the price of the dress.

"This color with your eyes… you should try it on!"

"What? No, I'm…"

"Just try it on! Please? For me?" Alex pretended to pout.

"Really Al," Olivia said rolling her eyes as she made her way to the dressing room.

Alex said in the chair, Noah Leaning against her, her arms around him. They were giggling about something, waiting somewhat patiently for Olivia to reappear from the dressing room.

When Olivia came out, both Noah and Alex stopped laughing, looking at her.

"Wooooow!" Noah said looking at his mom.

"Wow is right, you look so beautiful," Alex said, her eyes canvassing Olivia's body. She made the gesture for Olivia to spin around. "Liv, it was made for you!"

"Yeah, mom you look beautiful."

"You are both so sweet, thank you," Olivia said trying to take the compliment.

After their "ohs" and "ahs" Olivia went back into the dressing room to change, but not before admiring herself again in the dress. When she came out, Olivia handed the saleswoman the dress back.

"Aren't you getting it?" Alex asked puzzled.

Olivia looked at Alex, incredulously, "Alex did you see the price of that dress?"

Alex shook her head, "I'm sure what every the price, you are more than worth it! Let me get it for you, please."

"You are not my sugar mama," Olivia said jokingly, but quietly.

"No," Alex said, standing closer, "but I am in love with you, and I want you to have it." Then Alex whispered into Olivia's ear, "and I really want to take it off of you."

Olivia smiled, biting her lip.

Damn Alex Cabot.

But Olivia's face went serious again, "Alex"….

When Alex wasn't budging, Olivia tried to make her case. "It's a very beachy dress, I wouldn't wear this in the city…"

"So you'll wear it when you're here, or when we go to the Pacific ocean. she grinned.

"It's absurd for you to not have a dress you look that ravishing in," Alex said sincerely.

Olivia just shook her head, she wasn't going to win this one.

"Ma'am?" Alex called, as she grinned walking past Olivia, "We'll take that dress"!

Olivia just sighed, as a giddy Alex got her way. She walked towards the counter, where Alex was paying and Noah was peering over the counter.

"Thank you," Alex said to the clerk before turning to Olivia holding out the dress now hung in clear plastic.

Olivia took the dress, "thank you. I really do love it. And I'll wear it for you tonight," she paused, to dinner." She grinned, taking Noah by the hand, leaving Alex momentarily lost in the thought of the night ahead.


	8. Chapter 8

**Let It Go Ch.8 **

Olivia picked a sleeping Noah up from the backseat, mumbling that he was almost too big for her to carry, as Alex tried not to slam the car door shut and wake him.

It was another beautiful night in the Hamptons, and after dinner, they decided to take a drive with the top down on the Mustang. "You're going to let me drive?" Alex asked truly puzzled as Olivia handed her the keys to the car on the sidewalk outside the restaurant.

"You know your way around," Olivia replied logically.

"But your car…"

"Al, it's just a car," Olivia shook her head laughing. "And it's not as expensive as that Rover you have in the driveway." After Alex rolled her eyes, she excitedly hopped in the driver's seat of the vintage car. With a little instruction and a few giggles from Noah, she quickly got a feel for the old car's "quirks". As they drove around Alex showed Olivia and Noah different landmarks and told stories about when she was a kid and about holidays her family spent in the Hamptons. She showed Noah where she used to play and swim. And to his amazement, she pointed up telling Noah she used to love to jump off that diving board that was 'way up in the air'.

By the time they were making their way back towards home, the sun had fully set and the car ride had lulled Noah asleep with his Hulk figurine still secured tightly in his hand. As he slept, Alex told Olivia her more suggestive stories of her late teens and early twenties. She had Olivia's eyes wide and trying her best to stifle her laughter.

Alex never considered herself funny, but she had noticed over the years she would do anything to make Olivia laugh. Tonight was no exception.

Back in the driveway, Olivia situated Noah on her hip, his head quickly burying in the crook of her neck, she carried him up the steps to the front door of the house. Alex walking beside her, with her hand placed on the small of her back guiding her, didn't go unnoticed. Inside, the house was quiet, a few lamps on timers where lit throughout the house setting a peaceful glow. "I'm going to put him to bed," Olivia whispered, leaving Alex downstairs to put away the leftover chocolate lava cake none of them could finish or dare leave behind at the restaurant, and lock up the house.

While Olivia put Noah in his pajamas and tucked him in, Alex had then gone to her bedroom, removing her heels, and standing in front of her dresser taking off her jewelry. She stopped, smiling at herself as she thought about the staff at the restaurant commenting that they must be proud parents, and what a little gentleman Noah was. She nor Olivia corrected the part about Noah being THEIR son. They both only grinned proudly that he was, in fact, a little gentleman.

Olivia stood in the doorway of Alex's bedroom watching her, "you're smiling," she said catching Alex mid-thought.

"Just thinking about tonight, about you," Alex said, turning, holding her hand out for Olivia. Olivia took Alex's hand, now standing inches from her, Olivia too, had abandoned her heels somewhere between Noah's room and Alex's. "Thinking about how lucky I am."

"Lucky huh?"

Alex pulled Olivia closer, cheek to cheek. "Everyone was staring at you tonight, staring at how beautiful you are."

Alex couldn't see Olivia's cheeks turn a pinkish hue at the compliment.

And this dress on you…" she said running her hands down Olivia's backside.

"So you're happy with your purchase," Olivia teased.

"It's the best thing I've ever bought," Alex said with her voice breathy as she leaned back so her eyes could now trace the swell of Olivia's breasts.

"So I should keep the dress on all night?"

"Hell no," Alex said grinning as her hands went to Olivia's hips. The feel of the silk was a precursor to touching Olivia's skin.

Alex leaned against Olivia kissing her, easily lost in the feel of her soft plump lips.

"Alex," Olivia said between breaths.

"Hmm?"

"We're not going too fast are we?"

Alex stopped, looking at Olivia seriously, "do you think we are? We can take a step back if you want…"

"No," Olivia paused laughing to herself at her abrupt answer. "I mean, I just, I want to make sure. With my track record… Olivia bit her lip. "I don't want to mess this up, being with you, I want…"

"I know," Alex said, nodding her head. "I know. That was my biggest fear was screwing this up, permanently losing you because I finally told you how I felt about you, losing you because I'll somehow mess this up."

"I told myself to jump in, to go with how I felt about you, that if you were bold and brave enough to tell me how you felt, then it was a sign that it was time for me to jump in."

"I think it says a lot that we are worried about hurting each other, but we also shouldn't let it stunt us from ever moving forward. And we're both jumping in… but we've also been standing on the side of the pool for a long time."

"I know, it's just new. Well, you and I, these feelings aren't so new, but getting to kiss you, touch you…"

"It feels amazing," Alex grinned.

Olivia let out a breathy laugh, "it does feel amazing."

"Liv, I think we want the same things."

Olivia shook her head agreeing, lost in blue of Alex's eyes.

"You know what else I want?" Olivia asked just as she leaned in kissing Alex once then twice on her jawline. "Lock the door," she whispered against Alex's ear.

Alex was finding it hard to separate herself from Olivia's lips, but she knew she had to get that door closed before she saw or would be able to touch anything below that silk dress.

As soon as the door to Alex's bedroom clicked shut and the lock turned, Olivia was the one that had Alex against the back of the door, her lips kissing down her neck, nibbling at her collar bone. Alex's hand's reached under the hem of Olivia's dress, pushing it upward, feeling lace and a firm round ass.

She squeezed Olivia's ass cheeks as she pulled her almost impossibly closer.

Alex had worn a light cashmere wrap sweater with white pants that evening. "I love this color on your skin," Olivia said referring to the pale pink. "It reminds me of your lips, you nipples…" Olivia grinned as she whispered against Alex's ear, "the color of your cheeks when you blush."

Alex at that point was certainly blushing.

Olivia snaked her fingers below the sweater, the soft cashmere against the back of her hands, Alex's soft skin against her palms. Alex bit her lip in anticipation, grinning, knowing…

Olivia pulled the blonde's sweater loose, parting the sweater so her eyes went immediately to Alex's nude-colored silk and lace-covered breasts. She then pushed the seater off the blonde's shoulders, Olivia instantly kissing the now faded scar of Alex's gunshot wound. When she looked back at Alex, she couldn't hide the tears that had weld up in her eyes.

"Liv."

"I should have told you I loved you then. You lying there on the sidewalk. I regretted never telling you…"

"Hey, hey… that's all over," Alex assured her. "We're here now, we're together now."

Olivia shook her head, melding her lips once again to Alex's. She unbuttoned Alex's pants to reveal the matching nude panties.

Pushing her pants to the floor, Alex now stood in front of Olivia her thin, toned frame, her alabaster skin, long her blonde hair resting on her shoulders… "You're so incredibly beautiful," Olivia said, taking the sight of Alex in.

Alex took a step back, "turn around," she instructed. Olivia did, feeling Alex reach for the zipper on her dress. She pulled her hair to the side so Alex could slide the zipper down her back. Olivia let her dress fall to the floor. She stood in front of Alex, her thick strong thighs, her voluptuous breasts the curved of her body that Alex had been salivating all night for, was covered in black lace.

"Holy fuck," Alex said barely above a whisper as her hands went immediately to Olivia's breasts.

They contrast in their bodies, the color of their skin, was all so tantalizing.

Alex knew Olivia had curves, she anticipated her breasts, but she was suddenly awestruck just how beautiful, how unbelievable sexy Captain Olivia Benson was.

Olivia suddenly grinned, "you know you could have better access to those," she said referring to Alex's hands that were now gently palming her lace-covered breasts.

"Oh God, yes please," Alex said grinning devilishly.

Olivia laughed, she loved Alex's anticipation, she loved that she was salivating looking at her. Olivia unlatched her bra, her breasts now on display. Olivia could have sworn she heard Alex let out a growling sound as she took the sight of her in and then backed Olivia on to the bed.

Olivia lay there, her head against the pillows, her olive skin against the stark white sheets as she watched Alex slowly climb on top of her, Alex's long legs now straddling her.

This had been a fantasy - Alex's legs wrapped around her.

Alex's core ground against Olivia's as she leaned in, her mouth capturing Olivia's left nipple, licking and sucking…

Olivia had managed to undo Alex's bra and threw it to the side before their lips once again found the others

"Alexxxx," Olivia begged, "please…" She could no longer take Alex grinding against her.

Alex raised off of Olivia, sliding downward. She took great pleasure in slowly pulling Olivia's panties down her tan thighs. Alex salivating at the site of Olivias' glistening lower lips. The blonde didn't hesitate as she parted Olivia's legs and positioned herself between them. "I finally get to taste you," she said running her hands up and down Olivia's thighs.

Alex began to kiss Olivia's inner right thigh, getting closer and closer to her destination.

With Olivia's hands in her hair, Alex's mouth sank into Olivia's folds, and Olivia let out the breath she had been holding in anticipation. Alex's tongue darted back and forth tasting Olivia for the first time.

Olivia's body arched slightly at the sensation as Alex found her rhythm. "Oh God, Alex…" the brunette breathed as she lavished in the feel of Alex's warm tongue against her.

Alex then slid two fingers inside Olivia letting her settle around her, then a third, never leaving her clit unattended.

Olivia gripped Alex's hair, she gripped the pillow behind her. It felt like every nerve in her body was on fire.

She held on as long as she could until her belly burned, her body shook until she could no longer take the power of the orgasm Alex was giving her.

Alex slowed, kissing Olivia's body once again, letting her calm down.

Alex climbed up the bed slowly on her hands and knees, lying down beside Olivia as she watched Olivia's chest rising and falling.

Olivia laughed.

She laughed out loud in a euphoric state. "God, Alex." Olivia repeated, her voice, hoarse.

Alex resting her head on her elbow, reached for the gold necklace around Olivia's neck, playin' with the circled charm between her fingers.

She had thought about it a million times, about going down on Olivia, about tasting her. And now there she was lying beside her, Olivia with the sheen of sex covering her body, and a content smile on her face.

Olivia took Alex's hand holding it against her chest before looking at Alex.

Alex grinned, seeing that her talents were appreciated.

Olivia quickly sat up, now hovering over her, kissing her, re-igniting their fire.

That gold necklace was now dangling, dragging against Alex's breasts.

She ran her hand down Alex's stomach, teasing the blond's panties that were soaked through.

Alex let out a breathy sigh in anticipation of Olivia touching her. The woman she has wanted to be with for so long, the woman in her mind she had been with for so long.

Olivia slid her hand below Alex's panties. Her middle and pointer fingers glided through Alex's folds and Alex's moaned quietly, already so sensitive to her touch. Olivia pulled Alex's panties off, throwing them near her discarded bra on the floor beside the bed.

Alex was so wet, so ready as she leaned back in to kiss her passionately. Olivia slipped her fingers back between Alex's folds. She knew it wouldn't take Alex long the was her body was reacting to her touch.

Olivia pressed her body against Alex's and didn't break eye contact with her and she moved her fingers back and forth across Alex's clit. She would watch her, be right there when she came.

Alex was lost.

She was lost in the feeling of the way Olivia was holing her and watching her son intently. Alex was lost in the feeling of Olivia taking her to the edge.

As Alex's body tightened, as her thighs cliched around Olivia's hand, a small cry slipped from her parted lips as Alex came hard.

The blonde's eyes closed lazily as Olivia kissed her gently. Kissing her breast, Olivia's lips circling Alex's light pink nipples as Alex's body relaxed. She felt Alex take a deep slow breath, she could tell she was revealing in the sensation as she came down.

They held each other for a moment, leaving their union for the moment in silence. It felt merciful that they were lying there together. The way it felt to kiss and touch … To be in love with someone and finally get physically be with them.

"It seems surreal to be lying here with you." Alex said, as Olivia pulled the sheet up around and settled into Alex's arms.

"For a long time, I would stop my thoughts from going further…" Olivia confessed. "I didn't know why I was thinking about you that way, this way. But it excited me, it intrigued me. Then I started letting myself, letting my imagination run wild. Sometimes I felt guilty, sometimes it was a way to put all the different feelings I had felt for you over the years into perspective. I was attracted to you, to your mind, to your body…"

Alex moved strands of Olivia's hair from her face, caressing her cheek, "I had no intentions of telling you how beautiful you are or how I had fallen in love with you the day I walked into the precinct 20 years ago.…"

"Maybe it wouldn't be what it is now, maybe it wouldn't feel like this. If we had told each other 20 years ago."

"Maybe, but I also feel so foolish when I have been in love with you for so long."

"Hey," Olivia said looking up at Alex. "No regrets remember? Sometimes waiting is the hardest part. But from here on out, we here, we're together." Olivia assured her.

Alex shook her head against the pillow. "From here on out," she repeated.

It wasn't long before their whispers stopped and their roaming hands stilled.

They had fallen asleep, finally in each other's arms.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: A thousand excuses... but I'm still writing this story! Your reviews during my "disappearance" have been so great. Thanks so much to you all! I hope you are safe and well. -Mel

Chapter 9

In the middle of the night, Olivia woke up lying next to Alex.

She studied her in the moonlit room. Her long blonde hair splayed across her pillow, the peaceful expression on her face. The way the crisp white sheet was wrapped her, her body naked below it.

Olivia's only regret at that moment was having to leave Alex's bed.

She contemplated if should she wake her, or just slip out of bed and head back to her own before morning before Noah would wake up and be looking for her.

She leaned in kissing Alex's shoulder lightly, the again, making her way to the back of her neck just below her hairline.

Alex stirred, moaning blissfully for the lips that were now dragging across her bare shoulders.

"I have to go," Olivia whispered.

"Nooooo," Alex mumbled, finally opening her eyes to the brunette beauty.

"Not quite ready to explain to Noah why I was sleeping in your bed."

Alex shook her head understanding, her cheek still pressed into the pillow.

She then leaned up kissing Olivia, grinning in her sleepy stupor, and holding on to her bottom lip for just a few seconds longer.

"You have sex hair," Alex teased.

Olivia smiled, responding with one last soft kiss.

Out of bed, she gathered both of their discarded clothes from the floor, leaving Alex's in the chair, and hers in her arms. With a whisper, "sweet dreams" she tiptoed back to her room for another few hours of sleep.

Standing at the kitchen counter, Alex popped a blueberry into her mouth before cutting the strawberries into pieces. Olivia purposefully brushed Alex's backside making her way from the coffee pot. Giving each other a grin, Olivia picked a raspberry from the bowl of mixed fruit Alex was putting together, while Noah, sitting in only his bathing suit at the opposite side of the counter had his requested breakfast of "Alex's cheesy eggs" and some banana slices and blueberries.

Noah clearly had decided when he woke up that morning that he would spend his day in water-related activities because he already had his bathing suit on by the time he woke his mother that morning. Olivia was so amused by his enthusiasm to go swimming that his breakfast attire would have to do.

"Can I take my boogie board to the ocean today?" Noah asked in between bites.

Alex, of course, couldn't resist buying Noah a boogie board when they were in town the day before.

"Yes, sweetheart, " Alex said, loving Noah was interested in his gift.

"I need to practice," he replied seriously.

Olivia just grinned, shaking her head at the two of them.

"Oh of course," Alex affirming his reasoning. "Your mom and I will help you practice," she said looking to Olivia, seeing the "you bought him that" face that she had expected.

Olivia's phone vibrated against the counter, startling everyone. Picking it up, she saw that Amanda was calling. "It's Amanda, I should take this," Olivia said, as she answered the phone. Alex heard Olivia asking "was everything ok," before she disappeared into the living room.

She did hope everything was ok and hoped Olivia wasn't needed back in the city. Things were going so well and she dreaded anything interrupting her bliss.

'So you want to swim in the ocean today?' Alex asked turning her attention back to Noah.

"Yep! We're gonna ride the waves!"

"That's right!" You're gonna hang ten!"

"Yeah! Wait, what does that mean?"

Alex laughed, "it means when you stand up on your board with both feet. All ten of your toes are touching the board."

"Ohh, yeah! Hang ten," he smiled with his snaggle-toothed grin.

"You know we were also invited to a cookout later today at our neighbor's house, and we're gonna have hot dogs and guess what?"

"What?" Noah questioned wide-eyed.

"I happen to know that there are going to be lots of kids there to play with and fun things for just kids to do!"

Noah looked at Alex buying her enthusiasm for the cookout and his potential new friends.

—

"I was thinking I would have heard from you or Finn sooner..." Olivia said as she twirled the fringe on one of the couch pillows.

"Everything's fine. We picked up a new case, but pretty cut and dry. Kids told on the uncle... And things have settled a bit with the Warner case. Press calmed down, I think you got the worst of it on Friday."

"I know Finn is happy about that. Can't believe he let me go, with the idea that he may have to talk to the press."

"Oh I was so ready for it," Amanda joked. "But we do miss you, and definitely not the same without you."

"Well that's good to hear, but clearly you all are doing just fine without me, but I appreciate the updates anyway..."

"How are things going there? How're the Hamptons? Terrible?"

Olivia chucked. "Hell on earth," she teased. "It's absolutely beautiful here, the weather has been perfect, and Alex's house is amazing."

"I can imagine. And speaking of Alex?" Amanda said jumping at her chance to ask.

"I'm starting to think that maybe you didn't call to give me an update on work rather get an update on my love life?"

"What? No... But a love life huh? Meaning you have one now?"

Olivia laughed, "Things are going really good. It's nice being here with Alex."

"And?"

"And things are going as planned."

"You know your voice changes to a higher pitch when you're not saying what you're saying."

"What? It does not!"

"Mmmhmm. Well, I'll let you go. Enjoy the rest of your vacation and do everything I would do… I mean…"

"Ha...ha."

—-

"Everything ok?" Alex asked seeing Olivia reappear and quickly trying to judge if Olivia was stressed or not.

"Yes, Amanda was just checking in," Olivia said making her way back to the counter beside the blonde. "She said they have everything handled."

"Oh, good!" Alex said relived.

"Did you talk to Jessi?" Noah asked, now across the kitchen, looking out the glass doors. He was trying to be as patient as he could waiting on the two of them to go to the beach.

"No bud, Amanda was at work," Olivia replied as she slipped her hand below Alex's shirt at the small of her back.

Alex only smirked, the corner of her mouth turning upwards and not acknowledging that the feeling of Olivia's thumb brushing back and forth against her skin was making her suddenly flustered.

"I'm gonna get seashells for Jessi when we go to the beach today."

"That's a great idea! That's so sweet for you to think of her." Olivia applauded.

"So we have an agenda," Alex informed the brunette.

"We do?"

"Yeah, mom! We are going to hang ten on the boogie board, build a sandcastle, we have to gather seashells, and then later we're going to a cookout and I'm gonna meet new "Haptons" friends."

"Whoa, we have a lot to do today!"

"Yep," he agreed. "Let's get this show on the road!"

"Both Alex and Olivia laughed wondering where he picked up that saying.

"Ok, well since you're ready, I saw one of your books on the coffee table in the living room. Why don't you go sit in the big blue chair and catch up on some reading while Alex and I go and put on our bathing suits and gather up the things we need to take to the beach with us?"

"Ok, but don't take forever." Noah chided.

"We will be quick, I promise."

"Alex you promise?" Noah asked looking at the blonde pleadingly.

"Yes sir, I promise!"

Noah took off towards the living room and Olivia took Alex by the hand guiding her out of the kitchen. "He's going to have to get used to waiting on women," Olivia said under her breath as they made their way up the stairs.

By the time they made it to the upstairs hallway, Olivia had pulled Alex close and they kissed desperately.

"God, I've wanted to kiss you all morning," Alex said breathlessly.

"It's too hard keeping my hands off of you. All I can do is think about last night and how I want to do it all over again," Olivia said above a whisper.

"Ummm," Alex moaned quietly, "me too."

Alex slipped her hands under the thin sweatshirt Olivia was wearing happy to find she hadn't put a bra on that morning. Palming her ample breasts, it was all she could do not to strip Olivia down and fuck her right there in the hallway.

"All the times that I've stared at your mouth, that smirk, those glossy lips...never did I think I would want to kiss you so badly, have your mouth…"

"Taste you?" Olivia questioned, her brow raised.

"God..." Alex breathed.

"Tonight..." Olivia mumbled lost in Alex's kisses and the way she was touching her. "I think you have someone waiting on boogie board lessons."

Alex sighed, "That I do." She said before pulling away.

"It will be worth the wait I promise."

Alex agreed knowing it would be worth the wait, but also that there was no time to make love while they were already testing a 7-year-old's patience.

"I have to go change, get away from you!" Alex teased.

Olivia kissed her one last time and they reluctantly parted ways.

"Red bikini?" Alex asked turning back to Olivia

Olivia's eyes widened.

Alex just laughed as she disappeared into her bedroom.

—-

They walked into the expansive backyard of John and Maggie Albritten to see what felt like Iike the entire east end of the town gathered, talking, drinking, eating. Kids running back and forth, teenagers jumping in the pool.

"Well hi, Noah, nice to meet you!" David said, leaning down to acknowledge the curly-headed boy. "Are you having fun at the beach?"

Noah shook his head a matter of factly, giving David a smile.

"We've been boogie boarding most of the day, haven't we Noah?" Alex replied for him politely.

"Noah, you see those kids over there? That boy in the green shirt? That's my son and my daughter in the blue... you can go play if you want. I know they would love to make new friends."

Noah looked up at his mom, "Can I?"

"Of course baby! Do you want me to walk you over?"

Noah shook his head shyly.

"Ok," Olivia, smiled, as she looked to Alex, "I'll be right back," and then to David, "it was great meeting you."

"You too Olivia."

Olivia took Noah over to where the kids were playing and made sure he was comfortable playing in his new surroundings and assuring him of where she would be if he needed her. Spotting Alex talking to someone else, she decided to get them both a glass of Rosé before she made her way back to the her side.

Handing Alex her glass, the blonde made introductions, "Allison, this is Olivia, She and her son Noah, are staying with me for the week. Liv, this is my friend Allison, she and I used to hang out together during the summers..."

"You're so popular around here," Olivia observed, as they now walked the perimeter of the pool that was in the center of the yard.

"More like among the missing, and the "nosey nellies are trying to get the tea."

Olivia laughed out loud at Alex.

"What?"

"Did you just refer to gossip as the tea?"

Alex scrunched her nose, "did I get the saying wrong?"

"No, no, you used it correctly."

Alex gave punch Olivia in the arm.

"0W!"

"Oh come on, it was a love punch."

"A love punch huh?" Olivia said reaching to pinch Alex's side as the blonde tried to pull away.

"Well, well if it isn't Alexandra Cabot! Definitely a sight for sore eyes!"

Both Alex and Olivia turned to see a man coming towards them.

"Hi Marcus," Alex said cheerfully as she embraced the handsome, light mocha-skinned man. "It's so great to see you," she said as she pulled away, her hands still resting at his biceps.

Marcus looked over Alex to the brunette. "And you must be Sam! I have heard so much about you…"

Marcus noticed Alex's eyes widen and quickly look to the woman beside her.

"Marcus, actually this Olivia," Alex said over pronouncing Olivia's name.

Olivia tightened her smile and held her hand out to Marcus. "Nice to meet you."

"Olivia, oh, I'm so sorry," Marcus apologized, clearly mortified.

"It's ok," she said flashing her megawatt smile, but Alex was holding her breath at this sound of Olivia's tone.

Olivia then looked to Alex, "I'm going to go check on Noah, let you two catch up."

"Yeah ok," Alex said and wanting to kiss her cheek, but Olivia not giving her the chance to before she walked away.

"Alex, I'm so, so sorry! I shouldn't have assumed..."

"Marcus, please. It's ok. Sam and I broke up a little over a year ago now. How were you to know? "

"I hope I didn't get you in big trouble." He winched.

"Nothing a good long explanation won't fix I promise," she assured him.

"Well hello, you two!" Glad to see the gang back together! "The words fell from Maggie Albritten's mouth just as fast as usual. "Where is that beautiful Olivia and her handsome boy?" Before Alex could answer… "Oh there's John, excuse me, I have told him three times to go back downstairs and get more pineapple juice for the bar… Husbands!" And with that, she was off again saying John's name repeatedly until he acknowledged her.

"So it seems I'm the only one who hasn't met the '"beautiful Olivia" before tonight?"

"Maggie zeroed in on us at the beach the other day when she invited us to the cookout."

"Ahh I see."

"Marcus, it was really great to see you and I hope I can catch up with up with you again before I leave the Hamptons, but I should probably go check on Olivia and Noah,"

Marcus made an all-knowing face., then gave Alex another hug. "Again, I hope I didn't get you into much trouble. Good luck."

Olivia was sitting at the end of the lounge chair, Noah sitting beside her eating a hot dog.

Alex hesitantly sat down across from them. "How was that hot dog?"

"Really good!"

"Hey, Noah why don't you go throw away your trash and go say goodbye to your new friends."

"We have to go now?" Noah wined.

"Yes, baby we do, it's past your bedtime."

"But it's vacation!"

"I know, but it's getting late even for vacation."

"Liv," Alex's voice pleading.

"Go, go," Olivia pushing for Noah to say his goodbye's.

Still watching him walk towards his new friend's Olivia didn't look at Alex. "We're not arguing ok, I'm not mad. I was just a little taken aback from being mistaken for someone else. I guess somewhere in the whirlwind we've been in for the last couple of weeks you forgot to mention someone and something major in your life and I guess I thought we had it all out on the table."

"Liv, I didn't mention her because when I'm with you..."

"Alex, let's not do this right now ok?"

Fuck

Noah made his way back to his mother and to Alex.

"Say goodbye to Alex. We'll see her back at the house in a little bit," Olivia said standing up from the lounge chair

She had made up her mind, she needed space.

"See you back at the house Alex." Noah said, his lower lip showing his disappointment.

"I won't be long, but hey, can I get a hug goodnight in case you're already asleep when I get back?"

Noah gave Alex a hug lingering in her arms long enough for Olivia to notice and her breath to hitch. Alex now stood looking at Olivia with her blue eyes pooling with tears. "I won't be long," she repeated. She wanted to give Olivia her space, maybe, hopefully, time to cool off. "Please wait up for me."

Olivia looked at Alex but didn't respond. "Come on Noah, we can walk the beach back," she said as she took Noah's hand and walked away.


	10. Chapter 10

**Let It Go - Ch. 10**

Noah swung his mama's hand back and forth, sand seeping between their toes as they walked the beach. The setting summer sun left enough light to guide them back to Alex's house.

"Mom are you mad at Alex?"

"What?" Olivia stumbled, "why do you think I'm mad at Alex?"

"You just seemed mad at her, and we left the party. I was having soooo much fun."

She was proud that her kid was perceptive, but sometimes maybe too perceptive.

"I know you were having fun, no baby, I'm not mad at Alex."

"I'm glad, cause I really like her," Noah said taking an extra jump in his step.

Olivia blinked rapidly trying to stop her eyes from watering. "I really like Alex too bud," she said taking a breath. "I really like her too."

—

Olivia sat on the back steps of the porch. She had traded her floral maxi dress and sandals for a pair of pajama pants, a t-shirt, and had thrown on a worn jean button-down shirt to combat the cool ocean air.

She thought she would have trouble settling Noah and getting him to go to sleep after the party, but he was sound asleep by the end of their nighttime routine. Noah had, of course, mentioned Alex several more times and asked when she was coming home. Olivia too wondered when Alex was coming home though, she had insisted that she needed time alone. She knew she had overreacted, but the more she repeated the name Sam in her head, the more overwhelmed, the more unsettled she became at the party.

She was just thrown off by Alex not mentioning someone that had been clearly been important in her life. And the fact that she didn't mention Sam made her question what else had Alex not told her? She didn't care that it was another woman, and she didn't think Alex had been pining after her for all these years to never have dated anyone or that she lived a life in celibacy, but it was odd. Something didn't feel right. Olivia told herself she was projecting, and the truth was she knew her reaction was just her own fears...

—

When Olivia and Noah left the BBQ, Alex no longer wanted to be there herself. She smiled and made excuses that Noah was ready to go home and that Olivia wanted her to pass along her goodbyes and thank you's. After she had left the party herself, she wanted to give Liv the time she had asked for, so the blonde drove around a bit. Thinking not very clearly about a million things. About what had happened and how she could have prevented hurting Olivia's feelings.

Olivia was shaken from her thoughts, by the sound of Alex's car pulling up the driveway. She listened as Alex locked her car and made her way inside. Alex didn't call her name, but with the back sliding doors open, Olivia could hear her walking around the house, she assumed looking for her.

Alex finally caught a glimpse of Olivia sitting in the steps of the back porch.

"Hey there," Alex said timidly as Olivia looked up at her, acknowledging her. "Can I sit?"

Olivia shuffled over a few inches giving Alex room to sit, though she had plenty of room on the steps.

Alex sat purposefully close to her.

"I'm sorry about tonight, "Alex said, tugging at the sleeves of the sweatshirt she had put on.

"I overreacted. How was that guy supposed to know I wasn't this Sam woman and besides, I don't have this notion that you didn't date people before me. I guess I just thought we had been open and if it was someone that a random person in the Hamptons knew about, don't you think I should too?"

Alex sat up, straightening her spine. "I think I didn't mention Sam because I didn't want anything bursting our bubble."

Olivia understood the bubble they had created.

"But you're absolutely right, me not mentioning her, not telling you who she is, who she is to me was stupid really, and furthermore just chickenshit."

"So you're still friends?"

"We are and nothing more. She and I broke up now almost two years ago, but we are still good friends."

"So you're still friends, but she hasn't come up in the last couple of weeks in our conversations? Seems odd for someone who is your good friend," Olivia pointed out.

"I guess I didn't want you thinking that there was someone that might come between us."

"Why would I think that? Should I be worried?"

"No, no! I guess it's just my insecurities. And she wouldn't. She would never do that! She knows that you and I finally being together is the end game for me. She knows how in love I am with you, how long I've been in love with you."

"She knows about us? About me?"

Alex shuffled against the wooden step, her big toe boring into the wood. She folded her arms against her chest. "You're the reason we broke up."

"Wait, what?" Olivia's head-turning to Alex quickly.

"You were the subject of quite a few of our arguments. She said you would always be between her and I. And I finally admitted that you would be, and we broke up."

"Jesus Alex."

"I know. And it was painful at the time because she is a wonderful woman and she was great for me at the time, but just like everyone else, they weren't you. And well, it became obvious that I couldn't compromise on that."

"And you're still friends?" Olivia asked a bit surprised.

"I told you she's an amazing woman who met an equally amazing woman and has been dating her for almost a year."

"Why do I feel like I owe her an apology?"

"I think I have apologized enough to her for a lifetime, trust me," Alex quipped as she bit at her top lip.

Olivia openly sighed, "we can't keep things from each other, people from each other, out of fear. Talking about things, even complicated things, that's what build layers, Al, we have to build layers…"

Alex shook her head understanding, "actually, Sam taught me a lot about being in a relationship, and obviously about what I really wanted and what I needed. I'll always be grateful to her for that"

" I guess I should be grateful for that too," Olivia said wrapping her arm through Alex's arm.

"Everyone, everything, I'm certain now was to be here with you, and yes I'm a little skittish, and yes I'm scared but it's only because I want you so badly. Because I want to be perfect for you."

"Alex, no, don't say that. I don't want you to be whatever this idea of perfect is for you you're already perfect to me."

Alex gave a small blushing grin.

"Ok, so to avoid this awkwardness again and being called by the wrong name..."

"This might happen again?"

"Liv."

The brunette grinned.

"What I'm asking is, how should I introduce you to my friends? I just didn't want you to be just someone that was staying with me for the week, but I also didn't know how you felt about being public about our relationship."

"Well, I guess you should introduce me as your girlfriend."

"You're comfortable with that?"

"I don't have a great track record being someone's girlfriend, and I'm clearly not as experienced with the ladies as you are."

Alex rolled her eyes at Olivia's jab.

"But I think it would nice if you introduced me as your girlfriend."

Alex smiled, "it might keep me out of trouble if I could set em' straight."

"Well not that straight," Olivia laughed.

Olivia leaned in quickly kissing Alex.

Alex wrapped her palm around Olivia's neck kissing her more passionately.

"So Ms. Cabot how many women might I'll be mistaken for? You know to prepare me."

"Haha!"

"Joking aside, probably good to come clean, maybe tell me a little more about the parts of your past I've missed."

Alex leaned in closer to Olivia, thinking... "I dabbled a little in my 20s with women just thinking that I was having fun or even that I was bi, but I couldn't or wouldn't let y brain or my heart go any further than that because of my career. Then, truthfully when I met you, I definitely felt things, imagined things a lot more vividly than I ever had, but I still wasn't ready to accept who I was, what I wanted." Alex explained, biting her bottom lip as if she were a bit nervous. Olivia laced her fingers with hers and she continued. "When I went into witness protection I didn't have to be ADA Alexander Cabot, I could be Emily, and anyone Emily wanted to be..."

"But when you came home, I remember you telling me you dated that Claims Adjuster or whatever..." Olivi asked confused.

Alex gave a smirk, letting Olivia draw her own conclusions.

"Ohhh, he was a she?"

"Yeah," Alex revealed. "It just didn't feel like the right time to come out to you with everything that was going on, and I knew I was going back into witness protection. The only other pretty serious relationship," Alex continued, "was with Megan, who I dated after I got off the ADA train (again) after coming back to New York, and then Sam..."

"And I guess you're open now about being gay since your friends know who you've dated?"

"It was just getting too hard, and truthfully too tiresome to not let the people around me know. I really just started to not care about other people's opinions. I was happy."

"But you still never told me," Olivia stated.

Alex noticeably took a deep sigh. "I know it's hard for you to understand, and truthfully I don't even know if I will ever truly understand why it was so hard for me, but I just couldn't tell you. I think it was back to that fear. Telling you I was gay, I associated with admitting that I had been in love with you for years and I just couldn't take you rejecting me."

"Al, I'd like to think that even if I didn't reciprocate your feelings for me I could have handled it. We could have talked."

"Of course, I understand that, but all the rationale in the world... it didn't compute until a few weeks ago."

Olivia leaned her head on Alex's shoulder thinking. "We really did just have to wait for the right time didn't we?"

"It was painful, God it was painful," Alex breathed. "But yes, I think we did have to just wait for the right time."

Olivia sat up looking at Alex, a grin appearing across her face. "Our time," Olivia said leaning in to kiss Alex once again. "It's finally our time."

"And forever," Alex said, kissing Olivia again.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N Well, I have 20 valid excuses why I haven't updated in a bit, and can't change any of those reasons. But, I do want to thank those of you who reached out and nudged and encouraged me to keep writing this story.

Also, I love to read A/O stories before bed and I have been so wrapped up and in awe of some old and a few new stories out there. You all are so talented!

**Let It Go Ch. 11**

Olivia paced between the entryway to the kitchen and back to the hall entryway. In all the years of knowing Olivia, seeing her work, Alex wondered was this pacing thing new?

It was endearing and annoying.

The thought made Alex smile.

Olivia stopped pacing, eyeing Noah. "I'll clean the glass," Olivia mouthed, as she made a wiping gesture.

Noah had his nose and cheeks pressed against the large glass window s in the kitchen staring out at his now beloved swimming pool and his shark float being pelted by a hard rain. The luck of a week's worth of sunshine was interrupted by Wednesday. The rain had set in late that morning and gave no indication that it would let up for anyone wanting to play outside in the sunshine.

Olivia had been on the phone long enough now with Fin for Noah to grow impatient with her.

"I'm sorry it's raining bud," Alex frowned. "Do you want to watch a movie?

Noah turned to look at Alex, contemplating her idea.

"You have Disney+?" He questioned.

Alex thought for a moment, "I'm not sure."

"You have to download the App on the TV and login... I know the password."

Shit.

Alex looked back towards the hallway. Olivia, on the phone, still pacing, Alex's silent panic went unnoticed.

"Ok, well, let's see if we can download the app." She responded, hopeful.

Alex had never downloaded an app on television in her life, much less did she know anything about what Disney+ was.

She sat beside Noah on the couch and flipped through the television, "Um, hang on," Alex picked up her phone "Googling" intently. "Um… ok," Alex read on, pressing buttons on the remote, looking back and forth at her phone and then to the TV screen.

"There! It's right there Alex!" Noah exclaimed excitedly, as he recognized the Disney+ logo.

With fingers crossed Alex hit the download button and just like that the television prompted them to sign up or enter their login information.

"I can put in the logins," Noah said, trying to be as patient as he could, looking up at Alex.

She smiled, handing him the remote. He didn't catch on that she was coming down from her mini panic attack, as he quickly studied the remote and then expertly put in his mother's email address and the password in the blank spaces on the television screen.

Noah' scooted back on the couch as all of his familiar and favorite movies and shows appeared on the screen. Alex watched in wonder of his knowledge and skills.

"Popcorn?" She offered, hoping that would be the cherry on top.

Noah's eyes widened, "Yeah!"

Alex smiled, "ok one bowl of popcorn coming up! You pick your movie."

Alex walked passed Olivia who had now sat at the base of the stairs still in deep conversation. Her fingers buried in her hair against her scalp, she heard Olivia mumble an explicative as she took in the information she was being given. Alex could tell whatever Fin was telling her was stressing her out, but it wasn't her place to pry. If Olivia wanted to talk about it later, she could.

When Alex returned from the living room, delivering Noah's popcorn, Olivia was standing at the edge of the living room hallway with a grin on her face.

"What?"

"So you figured out how to download apps on the TV?" Olivia let out a snicker as she followed Alex to the sun porch on the east end of the house.

Alex turned quickly looking at Olivia, "I figured it out…" she defended, "well with Noah's help of course, but we now have an entertained seven-year-old."

"I am impressed. And the popcorn was a nice touch."

"You're having way too much fun with this."

Olivia caught Alex, pulling her against her, "you're so sexy," she said before quickly kissing Alex and they just stood taking a moment with each other.

"You think struggling to figure out how to download an app on a TV to entertain a kid is sexy?"

"Mmmhmm," Olivia breathed against Alex's neck as she slid her hand under the hem of the short sleeveless t-shirt dress Alex had thrown on that morning.

"Liv, we can't… Noah is…"

"He's fine, he's glued to the TV," Olivia excused.

"Babe…"

Olivia pulled back looking at Alex, her lips swollen, her left eyebrow raised.

"Babe?"

Alex smiled, "yes, BABE," she emphasized.

Olivia returned with a grin of her new nickname.

"We should tell Noah, we're together."

Alex suddenly looked a bit surprised. "Are you sure?"

"I mean this seems to be going pretty well," Olivia joked.

Alex rolled her eyes, "I mean, I know that it's a big deal telling him."

"You're not ready?"

Olivia's jovial tone now buried.

"I am ready! Headfirst! But, he's the most important… I don't want him to think I'm taking you away from him, and…" Alex hesitated.

"And what?"

"And what do you think that he will think about his mom being with a woman?"

"First, Noah adores you, so I would be incredibly surprised if he doesn't love the idea that we're together. And he has friends that have two moms or two dads, he most likely will think nothing of it at all." Olivia took Alex's hand tugging her towards the couch to talk. They sat close, and Olivia resting her hand on Alex's crossed knee. "Alex, I think Noah gets that you make me happy. And…

"And?"

"You're good with him."

Alex made a deep sign, "clearly you do not understand the panic I just endured trying to work a TV."

"I just love that you're trying. That you've jumped in head first. I know Noah complicates things. I know it would be easier if you could just have sex with your girlfriend, or just go to diner and not have to lock doors, and clean up ice cream off of someone's face."

"Well you do go kind of wild with the ice cream, It's slightly embarrassing."

"Haha," Olivia said reaching for Alex's hand, intertwining her fingers with hers.

"Honestly," Alex began. "I'm not that woman. Or at least I never thought of myself as a woman who would jump head first with someone with a kid. I admit I never wanted to. But Noah is an extension of you. And I want to be a part, and I love anything that is a part, of you."

Olivia smiled shyly, but Alex took a deep breath.

"This sounds well, weird. But when I found out you had adopted Noah, I couldn't help but think about it. I thought about if I ever did confess that I was in love you how that would affect Noah. And …" Alex hesitated.

"What?"

Alex's cheeks were turning a pinkish hue.

"I know you clearly don't need me - you don't need a woman, or a man," Alex rambled, "to have a child, but I just wish I could have um…"

"You could have what?" Olivia asked her interest peaked.

Alex let out a nervous breath and Olivia gripped Alex's hands more securely.

"I wish I could have given you the one thing I knew your heart truly desired."

"Al," Olivia said her heart melting, her eyes glassy.

"I just wondered what it would be like. I was even in some ways jealous when I found out you adopted Noah. I found myself having this deep regret that I didn't adopt with you, that I wasn't a family with you. I wanted that."

Olivia quickly let go of Alex, her palms now at her jaw line, the tips of her fingers sinking into blonde locks. She kissed Alex deeply, as a stray tear fell down her cheek.

Alex sniffled and wiped away her own tears.

"Telling you all that was a little weird," Alex laughed nervously.

Olivia smiled. "Actually it's reassuring."

"Really?"

"Noah is everything. And knowing that he became a part of you being in love with me, wanting to be with me…" Olivia blew out a breath. "That's next level shit Alex," she joked trying to lighten the moment.

Alex finally grinned, kissing Olivia once again.

"So we tell him." Alex stated, now sure it was the right thing to do.

Olivia shook her head agreeing.

"And speaking of, I should go check on him. I get suspicious when he's been quiet for this long."

Alex let Olivia go, watching as she walked away, filled with relief and excitement from their conversation.

Olivia was only gone for a few minutes when she had come back to the sun porch, rain still coming down outside, and steadily against the window filled room. She sat down the glasses of water on the coffee table that she had retrieved for both of them. She slithered back beside the blonde. "Sound asleep, remote in hand."

Alex's iPad now forgotten, she grinned, "Hmm so its Alex can make out with mama time?"

"Maybe a little more than making out," Olivia wiggled her eye brows.

"Mmmmm" Alex moaned as she made her way to straddle Olivia's lap. The brunette's hands now at the blonde's hips, had slipped their way under the cotton dress Alex lounged in. The pads of her fingers sliding against the silk of her bikini cut panties.

Alex leaned in kissing Olivia. Each time they kissed, they touched, it would start a fire.

Their tongues were quickly twisting, hands roaming.

Alex slipped her hand below the waistband of Olivia's gray joggers, feeling how quickly she has become wet for the blonde. Alex bit her bottom lip, that held her grin. The satisfaction of knowing she made Olivia Benson that wet was incredibly sexy. Alex locked her eyes with Olivia watching her reactions as the tip of her finger teased up and down Olivia's outer lips.

Alex then shifted, pressing her core into one of Olivia's thick thighs. She began rocking herself back and forth to the rhythm of her fingers sliding now back and forth across Olivia's clit.

Nothing was said except slight moans and whispered breaths.

Both understood that this was quick, focused, lustful satisfaction. Alex wanted to come, she wanted her lover to come.

They would focus on every grind Alex's of her body and every flick of her finger.

Alex's own body tensing, she could feel Olivia's hands tighten around her hips.

"Come with me, Babe." Alex whispered, and then at that peak moment, she covered Olivia's mouth as she came to keep her moans quiet, and then buried her own face tightly into Olivia's neck as she too knew she was on the brink of her own her release.

"Holy fuck," Olivia whispered ask Alex laughed.

They sat still, Alex's core still pressed to Olivia's thigh, the feel of her wet silk panties evident on Olivia's skin. Alex's arms now wrapped loosely around her neck.

"Come home with me," Olivia 's voice cracked.

Alex pulled back from their embrace, trying to comprehend why she had said that.

"I have to go home," Olivia confessed. "Tomorrow… I told Fin I would come home tomorrow. Work, I need to…" Olivia stumbled with guilt.

"Hey, hey," Alex said, trying to catch Olivia's eyes, holding her attention. "Ok, we'll go home."

Olivia gave her a more than relieved smile.

"Now when were you going to tell me we were leaving tomorrow?"

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to have time with you and I didn't want to spoil our morning..."

"Well, you looked pretty stressed on that phone call with Fin."

Olivia shook her head agreeing.

"I'm not ready for us to be apart either," Alex said hoping that's what Olivia was thinking, why she asked her. "Or at least not in the same city as you."

"You can stay with Noah and I if you don't feel comfortable. going back to your apartment." Olivia offered.

"Liv, It's been weeks. I'm going home, to the city with you and Noah and I'm going to get my life back together. My apartment, my job. I've got this new life with my girlfriend and her son… I'm looking back and definitely not screwing it up.

"Alex."

"Yeah."

"I hope it's not too soon to tell you I love you because I love you."

Alex grinned, "I love you too, always have, always will," she said before capturing Olivia's lips with hers once again.


End file.
